How I U-Turned My Way Into Captain's Class

First of all I want to apologize for bitching and complaining for most of the month of January. Those of you who have been reading, or who follow me on Facebook you know that I've been something of a "downer." I have 'Sadness' from the movie "Inside Out" on my car keychain.

It's kind of funny because it's me, but then again it's not because I've been personifying her for the past couple of weeks and that's not something anyone likes...especially me. So many people are going through things of their own, that I have no right to bitch about the little things. Not all molehills are mountains.

Secondly I want to thank each and every person who reads this, who comments on my Facebook posts, who message me, who text me, who email me, and who most of all...love me. The tears I cried today are tears of happiness. Tears of relief. Tears of realization that I am loved, in different ways, by so many people. So again, thank you for the positive comments, the suggestions, the recommendations, the donations, the friendship, and the caring.

Thirdly, I am going to be in the Spring Captain's Class. When I had my accident on the 13th, after just having my car at the mechanic for some expensive repair work, I was crushed. When Lyft said I was responsible for the $2500 deductible, I knew that this was the end of my class. That there was no way I could pay for the car repairs AND class, no matter how much I drove once and IF I got the car back. But thanks to Eric's Mom, Linda who believes in me and who loves me like I daughter, I got my car back and had gas money to start driving again for Lyft. Then I heard from my insurance company who said that they would actually pay the difference between the repairs and my deductible which was only $500. I asked Linda if she wanted the check from the insurance company and she said "no...you're family, you use that for your class." Then today, I got an email from my aunt. Apparently my brother told her that I was in an accident and was having issues paying for captain's class. She called me silly and that she was there to help if I needed it, that all I had to do was ask. She is also pitching in so I can achieve my dream. So it turns out that accident was actually the best thing that could have happened to me, instead of the worst. I am looking forward to February 19th and taking my friends on this journey with me. Let's replace Sadness with something else.

Sometimes I Wish I Could Just Stand in the Shower All Day

Haven't blogged in a few days, but I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd start putting down some thoughts in the wee hours of the morning. And yes, sometimes the warm/hot water of the shower feels so good, it would be nice to stand there, without pruning or running out of warm/hot water, all day. Some days it's like a warm hug, washing the troubles away.

It's been an emotional few days, basically waiting to find out when I'd get my car back (still haven't yet), trying to sell some more stuff, and trying to juggle the bills I have to pay while I'm not making any money with my car. Once I get the car back, I have to have it inspected so Lyft will let me drive again. I also have to get my license plate renewed by the end of the month. So on top of the deductible, there's a couple of other costs to add in order to get driving again, while not driving. It's always something.

We had a bit of a snow storm and I went out and got my physical exercise by shoveling. Living on a corner lot is a blessing and a curse. More ground to shovel, but less neighbors. I am in better shape than I was last winter when I shoveled so this time it wasn't too bad. The snow was also light and fluffy so it was easier to shovel. An old shoulder injury from the boats kind of reared its ugly head and I was sore for a couple of days but nothing too serious. It's raining right now, we had ice earlier and snow is expected later and then it's gonna get really cold. Winter in Chicago has finally arrived.

I did do a little bit of baking. Made a birthday cake for Eric, yellow cake with Hershey chocolate frosting. He enjoyed it and I do like the smell of baked goods in the apartment.

I did walk a couple of miles yesterday too. Had to take the snow globe I sold to the post office to ship it out. It was during the freezing rain, but still early enough so that it wasn't too dangerous. Also felt good to get outside and move a bit.

Haven't read much except for things on Facebook and Twitter. I now cannot look at my phone or my computer without wearing my glasses, and when I do, my eyes start to water and my vision gets blurry. Sometimes getting older is not glamorous at all. Technology can also hinder as well as help.

I watched the football playoffs on Sunday. The teams I wanted to win ended up losing so I'm not sure I'm going to watch the Super Bowl. Football is my favorite sport and the Super Bowl this year ends up being on my Dad's birthday so part of me feels I should watch it. It's going to be a long off-season. Maybe I'll just watch for the commercials and not really pay attention to the game. Sometimes it's easier when you don't have a team to root for and don't really care about the outcome.

That's about it. I'm still plugging along, working on what I can and anxiously waiting for the day when I can sit in my car for hours with strangers again.

Waiting For The Storm

I don't remember whether or not my parents listened closely to the weather reports or that the weather people told of impending storms more than a week away. I do know that I have been hearing about how we're going to have a "big storm" this weekend for about a week now. It was a winter storm watch yesterday so I went grocery shopping. I was told this morning that it was a Winter Storm Warning starting at 3pm. When it started to flurry around 2:15 I thought, uh-oh...earlier than they predicted, maybe it's going to be more than they thought. However, it only snowed for about an hour and now, it's 8:15pm and it's only snowing lightly again. There were a few flakes around 6:30 but nothing that stuck and definitely not the "SNOWMAGEDDON" they have been warning us about. I'm happy it's not too bad and I know that things can change and I could wake up tomorrow to a foot of snow, but for now, I'm just waiting.

I remember the Blizzard of '79 where we got FEET of snow and school was actually canceled and our garage roof collapsed. I remember the Valentine's Day blizzard a few years back when I had to trudge through snowbanks to be one of the only people to go to work (and our heater died).

I like snowstorms. Or I like at least 1 snowstorm a season. I like how it makes everything clean and quiet. I like getting the exercise of shoveling. I like making the first tracks in the snow. When I lived in Florida, people didn't understand that I missed snow. I guess growing up with it, you have a fondness for it.

So I'm ready for whatever happens. I have food. I have books. I am watching movies and Blue Planet II on Netflix. The NFL Playoffs are on TV on Sunday. The cats are snuggling on the couch and in their beds.

I'll let you know tomorrow if I have changed my mind about the snow.

Downtime

I dropped my car off at the body shop yesterday and they said I should have it back in a week, depending on how long it takes to get the new doors. They're actually going to replace the entire driver's side of the car. I've talked with the insurance companies and I should be okay. Then once it's back, I just have to get it inspected again before Lyft lets me drive again.

So now I'm back to going through things across the hall and trying to sell stuff on different sites. I did confirm that I wanted to take the Captain's class starting in February so I'm gonna be working hard to make that happen.

I started another book last night, "The Last of the Stanfields". I only read one chapter but it wasn't too bad. I would have read more, but I was tired. I am tired of going through the emotional ups and downs, but that's part of life.

I was able to stop at the grocery store yesterday and pick up some things. I'll have to go out again tomorrow and pick up some more things, but I'm getting my first unemployment check so that should help. This weekend I hope to bake which always makes me feel better.

So lots of nothing going on, yet lots of everything going on.

When It Rains It Pours

What a messed up 24 hours it's been. I got up in the morning yesterday to drive for Lyft and was doing that until I got hit by someone on Milwaukee Ave. The damage doesn't look too bad, but it's body work on the car so it's gonna be expensive. Lyft will cover it, but there is a large deductible that I will still have to cover and it will probably going to raise my insurance rates. Yay! Luckily no one was injured in the accident and my car is drivable and I'm taking it in tomorrow so hopefully I'll be back on the road soon.

Today, I got messages from Wendella asking if I was returning to the boats in 2019 (Of course I am), and from my Captain's Class asking if I was going to be in the class starting on February 19th.

I've shed a lot of tears in the past couple of days. Embarrassed that I was in an accident (but they are called "accidents" for a reason), unsure of how I'm gonna pay my bills since driving was my "off season job", and the realization that I may not get to take the Captain's class this Spring because I can't pay for it. I've always been hardest on myself and once the tears stop, I do realize that things happen for a reason and I need to keep my chin up. This just gives me more determination to get to my goals, no matter how long it takes.

I have sold a few things and will continue to try to do that, and I should have my car back at least by the end of the week so I can go back to earning money.

I hate admitting that I need help and that sometimes I'm not as strong as I'd like to be. So, I'm going to sort of beg, because I don't really have any other options at the moment. I don't know how many of you read my blog on a consistent basis, but I'm gonna make a last ditch effort here and share my link to the GoFundMe page for my Captain's Class.  Please share with anyone you know who you think might be able to help.  Thank you!

https://www.gofundme.com/help-robin-ernst-earn-her-captain039s-bars

Weekend Thoughts

Missed two days of blogging, but I'm not beating myself up for it. I've actually been going to bed a bit earlier and trying to get a good sleep. I had nightmares last night, but not too horrible.

I've been busy. I've been taking pictures and posting things to sell online. I've found some old friends and things that I really need to go through (and probably toss). I've also been driving. Drove in the snow for a few hours yesterday. My rule is to stop if I don't get a ride within 40 minutes of my last one. But yesterday was decent. I'll go out again this morning and take some people to brunch and dream of the day that I'm the one going to one of the places for brunch, or heading to the airport to fly to someplace.

I've also been watching some movies. I watched "Hell or High Water" which was excellent! Makes me see Chris Pine in a whole new light. It pulled me in in the first 5 minutes and kept me going all the way to the end. Great ending too. Then I saw "Bird Box." It was not good. I don't see what the hype is all about. Last night I watched "Isle of Dogs" which is a typical Wes Anderson movie. It was enjoyable. Great cast of voices and a nice story.

Today I'll go out driving for a few hours, take some more pictures of things and probably watch some playoff football, even though I don't care about the teams. I'd like to see New Orleans beat the Eagles though.

Haven't decided which new book to start yet, but that decision will also be made today.

Things are starting slowly, but they are improving.

Everyone enjoy your weekend!

Another Rough One

Ugh. Woke up today feeling really tired and down. Opened the door and the curtain and discovered it was snowing. The weatherman promised sun, but it never appeared. It did snow off and on all day. I know we're expecting a storm this weekend, but it didn't do anything for my mood. I made myself some breakfast and thought about going to the store. Also thought I might drive the PM rush hour for Lyft, but didn't do that either. I took a couple of naps which just made me more tired. Also developed a headache. That could be from the approaching storm, or my just general feel of malaise.

This weekend I'm gonna take pictures of all the things I plan to sell and put them up on eBay and Craigslist and maybe even Facebook. I think I'll feel better to get rid of some of this clutter. I also plan on driving for Lyft tomorrow night and Saturday night and Sunday brunch hours probably. Those were the times last year that I found to be more profitable for me.

I should be finished with one of the books I am reading tonight. I've also been cooking for myself a lot more which always makes me feel good.

I know this down phase is just a phase and it will pass. I usually get a little down after the holidays. After you take down the decorations, the house just seems so plain. The weather is dreary too. The older I get however, the faster the time goes and before long I'll be back on the water taxis and hopefully in captain's class.

For now I'm gonna go read my book and have a restful sleep. Ready for a busy, productive weekend.

Slowly Making Progress

Missed posting a blog yesterday, I think everything was finally catching up to me. I slept in until almost 9am which meant missing rush hour driving for Lyft, but obviously I needed it. Went across the hall instead and unearthed some more things to sell. I have 134 Beanie Babies left over from the craze in the 90's. I originally thought I might sell those to make a down payment on my first house. I was a lot younger then. I did post some stuff on eBay and I'll see how that sells. I also cleaned up the kitchen a little yesterday. I did read a few chapters as well so it wasn't a total loss of a day. I also went to the FedEx store and faxed some documents. I had no idea faxes were so obsolete these days that they have become expensive...$6 to fax 4 pages. It only cost me $0.42 to make copies.

This morning I got up and drove for Lyft. You do meet some interesting people. I met a young man from Seattle who was interviewing to get into medical school. He said he was going to tell them that it was because he watched ER when he was younger. I also met a man from New Jersey who was spending his second day in Chicago, he realized that he might want to get a warmer jacket. It has turned colder since yesterday, and the wind chill makes it feel like Winter. We are expecting a snowstorm on Saturday which might leave a couple of inches on the ground.

Just wanted to get something down today so I don't fall too far behind on the blogging. I realize that I'm basically just journaling and telling people about my day, but I also realize that some days I will have more things to write about and more things to share.

Thanks again for reading!

Let's Get It Started

I had the first week of 2019 "off", now I'm ready to get at it. I got my car back this morning and it's driving very nicely. I'll start taking passengers for Lyft tomorrow morning during rush hour. I also started unpacking boxes across the hall. Some of them I hadn't unpacked since 2005. I found some old friends, some things I thought were lost, and a whole lot of memories. The cats were a little scared, but they are dealing with the changes well.

One of my greatest finds was two recipe boxes.

One from my grandparents (on my Mom's side), and one from my Mom. It's filled with handwritten, typed, clipped from magazines, picked up in stores and other recipes. There is no way I am parting with those. I'm actually thinking of putting them together in a book of some sort. One day when I have more time to go through all of the recipes, I'll probably even try a few of them and compile them into some sort of order and see what happens from there.

I also found some things I didn't realize I had, including a set of Star Wars: Phantom Menace figurines, a Jessica Rabbit doll, a Cubs Barbie, a bunch of green army men in a jar, and a hatchet. Found some framed pictures as well. In the days before Instagram and Snapchat and Facebook there were framed photos and loose photos and photo albums. I also found a few Christmas ornaments that I'll be proud to hang on my tree next year.

This weekend we're gonna try and sell some things on eBay, Craigslist, etc. Just to see what happens and to maybe supplement my income even more. I am ready to let go of things, reduce the clutter. Share my enjoyment with others.

It's been a good day of memories and I look forward to unearthing some more.

What a Week It's Been!

I am glad this week is over and that basically, the holidays are over and things will get back to being somewhat normal. I get the car back from the mechanic tomorrow and will be able to drive for Lyft and make some money. I also get to certify my Unemployment claim on Tuesday so I should be getting a small, but helpful check from the state too. I also now have a positive bank account. All good things and although it took awhile, I am now ready to start the year. I am in a better place than I have been all week and it's nice to actually be able to breathe and relax just a bit.

I am sorry that the Bears lost, and I did probably post a "not nice" thing about Cody Parkey on Facebook, but that was in the heat of the moment. I do understand that it's a game and as a lifelong Chicago sports fan, I should be used to the ups and downs of our teams. The Bears had better season than anyone expected and it looks like they'll have a good team for a bit. Also, now I can enjoy the Super Bowl for the ads because I won't have a real interest in whichever two teams are playing in it this year.

I do have a plan for selling some things to help my financial situation as well too. One of the positive things about having as many interests as I do, means I have several different things to sell. Things that should appeal to all different kinds of people. I have some leather Harley-Davidson motorcycle jackets. I have a bridle and a tack trunk and other "horsey" things for equestrian types. I have some antique furniture. I also have a set of original American Girl dolls, and some of their accessories AND all of their Christmas outfits, and even a Christmas Tree (I believe). They've been sitting across the hall for years and I haven't looked at them or used them or worn them, so I'm hoping that they can bring joy to others.

I read a lot last night so I should also be finished with my first book of the year by tomorrow night or Tuesday.

So as it's been said before ONWARD & UPWARD!

This Will Not Happen Again

What? Me missing a day of blogging? No, of course I'll probably miss several of those throughout the year.

I'm talking about the feelings of complete impotence I've had over the past week. I expect to go out and make money and something goes wrong with my car, I call my mechanic and he's closed until the 2nd of January. So I call the 2nd of January and never get a response. I figure he's busy since he's been closed for 10 days, I give him another day, nothing. I am losing money now because I can't get my car looked at. I'm also not making money so my negative balance in my checking account is not getting any smaller. Day 3 and still nothing from the mechanic, so I go to a different mechanic. This one calls back as promised and gives me a price for everything wrong with the car. OUCH! Now I'm in limbo waiting for "funding" from other sources, since obviously I don't have the means to pay that amount. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling stupid, delaying the mechanic with different excuses on why I can't pick up the car until Monday. I'm tired of crying out of frustration, fear, tiredness, etc.

This will not happen again. I make a vow here and now that I will not let this happen. If I have to drive for Lyft for 10 hours a day, 7 days a week (or whatever the law allows) I will do it. If I have to sell some of my things that have been in the apartment across the hall for years in order to pay for my Captain's class, pay back my "lender" for the car repairs, or to simply get food, I will do it. I'm an adult damnit and I really, really, really hate feeling this way. I'm a smart woman who has made some bad choices. Sure, I didn't know my car was gonna break down, but I need to be prepared for that. I need to have an emergency fund account. I need to have a "yes, you can go out and have a beer with friends" account. I need a vacation account.

So while this feeling will last until I can get my car back and start giving rides to other people, it will not last forever.

This. Will. Not. Happen. Again.

Better Days, Now I Need Better Nights

Since becoming an adult I've gone through periods of insomnia. I'm usually up for an hour or so in the middle of the night each night, but some night, like last night are a true struggle. I started out in the bedroom and gave up after about an hour. Then I came to the living room and tried to sleep on the couch. That worked for an hour or two and then I woke up after yet another bad dream. I know I'm under stress with everything which is why I'm having bad dreams. Then I went back to the bedroom and read for about an hour. After reading, I couldn't shut my mind off so back out to the living room/couch I went. I turned on the "ocean waves" white noise I have on my phone and was eventually able to fall asleep. Still got up around 5am and didn't go back to sleep like I had planned. Surprisingly I'm not as tired today as I thought I might be, but I don't want my body to get used to this. I've used Tylenol PM or NyQuil Sleep in the past to help me sleep, but then I end up feeling groggy the next day and my dreams tend to be even more vivid and also very bad.

The ocean waves white noise is nice. I can close my eyes and be back on a cruise ship balcony sleeping under the stars while the ship floats to it's next destination.

I've always loved the water, guess it makes sense now that I want to be a captain. Also helped me think that my end of the year vacation should be a cruise. Or it needs to be someplace where I can be near the water or hear the waves.

Still no response from the mechanic. He was closed between Christmas and New Year's so I'm sure he's backed up. I'm trying to be patient, but I really need the car fixed so I can start making money again. I'll give him until tomorrow afternoon and then I'll probably have to go somewhere else.

Focusing on the positive today, I did read, I did clean, and I did blog.

So here's to a restful night.

Starting Slowly

I have to say that today was a struggle. New Year's Day brings up memories of watching the Rose Parade and filling out a new calendar with my mom, adding all my friends/relatives birthdays, anniversaries, etc. It was always fun looking at the year to come and using new markers and making little cartoons/pictures for certain dates/events. Yesterday I watched the Rose Parade on my own and I haven't had a wall calendar for years now. A lot of the football games have been moved to cable so I didn't really watch anything.  I went to bed early and had bad dreams most of the night. Woke up to an icy rain and fell back asleep on the couch while watching the morning news. I did turn off the TV and read for a bit, played some games on my phone, and attempted to make an appointment with the mechanic to fix my car, but he's backed up from the holidays so I probably can't get the car in until the weekend.

I did do some cleaning, and helped Eric's mom print out some forms on her printer. I made an okay dinner and plan on getting a good night's sleep.

I understand that some days are going to be harder than others and that we're only 2 days into this new year so I can't get everything done immediately.

At least I blogged!

2019 Starts As A Blank Slate...Can't Wait To See How I Fill It

I'm back! After taking 2018 off from blogging, I'm ready to get at it again. I should be able to take a few minutes every day to write something, thoughts, worries, hopes, dreams, insights and hopefully, many adventures.

As the clock struck midnight, ushering in a new year, I lay in bed watching revelers in Chicago kiss, dance, drink, cheer and whatever else happens on TV. Thankfully my neighborhood didn't erupt in the usual gunfire and fireworks. Then I thought about the year that had passed and how I was starting 2019. I am honestly starting with a lot less than I had hoped. I have a negative bank account balance, I'm off from my fantastic (but seasonal) job, my car is broken down so I don't even have the ability to do my "off season" job of driving for Lyft.  

However, I don't want to focus on what I don't have. I want to focus on what I do have and the prospects of what I can achieve in the upcoming year. I have a roof over my head. I have clothes to wear. I have food to eat. I have three cats that love to cuddle. I have the chance to advance my career to the next level. Captain's class is going to be tough, but it's going to be worth it. And I have the best support system around from my colleagues who have become good friends in just 2 short years. My mother used to tell a story of a determined look I'd get on my face when there's something I really want. I really want to pass this class so I'm hoping that look is planted on my face permanently (or at least until I'm done with the tests). 

Becoming a Captain is the big goal for 2019 but I have some smaller ones too. I'd like to read more. I think I can try for a book a week. Amazon sends me a free book every month and I'm a good 6 months behind on those to read. I bought a couple of books for a train ride sometime early last year, and one of them remain unopened. 

I'd like to write more. I'd like to blog/journal every day. It's a great way of getting down what happened, keeping me on track for my goals, and remembering where I've been. 

I'd like to take an actual vacation at the end of the year. I don't know if it will be a cruise, a trip to Vegas (which I've only driven through), a trip to somewhere I've never been, or even just renting a cabin up in Door County for a long weekend. I haven't been on a vacation in over 7 years, I think it's time. 

Other than that I just want to continue being the passionate, slightly wacky, intelligent, honest, loyal, creative, good friend, good cook & goddess that I am!

Thanks again for reading and thanks for joining me on my 2019 journey.