This Will Not Happen Again

What? Me missing a day of blogging? No, of course I'll probably miss several of those throughout the year.

I'm talking about the feelings of complete impotence I've had over the past week. I expect to go out and make money and something goes wrong with my car, I call my mechanic and he's closed until the 2nd of January. So I call the 2nd of January and never get a response. I figure he's busy since he's been closed for 10 days, I give him another day, nothing. I am losing money now because I can't get my car looked at. I'm also not making money so my negative balance in my checking account is not getting any smaller. Day 3 and still nothing from the mechanic, so I go to a different mechanic. This one calls back as promised and gives me a price for everything wrong with the car. OUCH! Now I'm in limbo waiting for "funding" from other sources, since obviously I don't have the means to pay that amount. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling stupid, delaying the mechanic with different excuses on why I can't pick up the car until Monday. I'm tired of crying out of frustration, fear, tiredness, etc.

This will not happen again. I make a vow here and now that I will not let this happen. If I have to drive for Lyft for 10 hours a day, 7 days a week (or whatever the law allows) I will do it. If I have to sell some of my things that have been in the apartment across the hall for years in order to pay for my Captain's class, pay back my "lender" for the car repairs, or to simply get food, I will do it. I'm an adult damnit and I really, really, really hate feeling this way. I'm a smart woman who has made some bad choices. Sure, I didn't know my car was gonna break down, but I need to be prepared for that. I need to have an emergency fund account. I need to have a "yes, you can go out and have a beer with friends" account. I need a vacation account.

So while this feeling will last until I can get my car back and start giving rides to other people, it will not last forever.

This. Will. Not. Happen. Again.