One More Week

Next week at this time I will be at orientation for my new job as a deckhand with the Wendella Sightseeing Co. and I can't wait! I need to get into a new routine, I need a sense of purpose, a place to go every day.

Since I left California and came back "home", I have had a couple of routines. The first one involved getting the apartment back into a livable condition. That was fine because I was busy all day. I was shopping or cleaning or throwing things out or building furniture or reuniting with old friends, introducing myself back to Chicago. Then came the holidays and there was baking and cooking added to the mix. I was also job hunting the entire time. Sending out resume after resume, but it's very hard to get a job during the holidays when many of the decision makers are out of the office.

So, after the holidays and after going through the money I had to sustain me while on this transition, I got into a routine that I'm not really happy with. I'd get up in the morning, feed the cats, feed the birds, watch the news, watch some game shows, watch The Chew, give the cats a snack, watch more game shows, watch the news, watch a movie or something on TV, feed the cats and then go to bed. I ventured out a couple of times; even after the car got repossessed I walked to the pharmacy, the grocery store, or the post office. I went downtown and took the train out to the suburbs to have lunch with a friend. But mostly my routine was the same day in and day out. The cats mostly sleep during the day and sometimes I did too. I play games on my phone. I was starting to get a little stir crazy. Hell, I've even been spending time watching a giraffe that could, according to all the sites running the video, "at any moment" have a baby. I had the desire to go out, but no funds to do it. Eric's Mom takes me grocery shopping every Saturday, but that's necessity and errands.

I did get excited about the thought of going to pastry/baking school and I am still excited about that, but also aware that it costs money and financial aid will only help a little bit, so that dream may be put on hold.

Luckily, I applied to Wendella one afternoon. I have fond memories of taking the water taxi from the train station to the Wrigley Building in the morning and back in the afternoons. It was relaxing. It was quiet, and it was way more fun than the bus! So I went in for an interview on a sunny, warm Friday and was told I only needed to pass a drug test and a background check. So I took my drug test the same afternoon I had the interview and filled out the background check the Monday after the interview and last Wednesday was told I got the job! Yay!

So, next Monday I have orientation all day. Then I'll have 3 days of (paid) training and then I can officially start as a deckhand. It will be challenging but it will be fun. I'll get to meet all sorts of new people, share my love of Chicago with people who are just visiting, and probably get to know a few of the regular commuters. This will be an excellent kick-start to my new routine. I'll also be making money so when I have some time off I can go to a movie, or to lunch, or to buy my own groceries and pay my own cell phone bill. I'll also get to put a little money away for culinary school. No one ever said starting over was easy, but I consider this a big step towards making me feel like Robin again.

What Do I Want to Be When I Grow Up?

They ask this question of kids as soon as they learn the concept of having a job (career). I love horses and all other animals. That love started at a very early age so I used to say I wanted to be a veterinarian. Then I discovered that I couldn't stand to see animals in pain, always made me cry so that was out. In high school and college I followed in my Mom and Dad's footsteps and thought I would like to be a journalist. After the first year at Mizzou, I discovered I didn't want people telling me HOW to write. So I switched to child psychology. I had babysat for many years and spent all of my high school and college summers as a camp counselor. Then I decided I didn't want to stay in school for another 3 years just to get an entry level job. So I graduated with a Bachelor's degree in English. Everyone said "Oh, you're going to be a teacher." No. I used to joke with people that I was going to take horses with emotional problems and read them great works of literature to cure them.

I have had a very interesting job history so far. I taught people how to ride horses for a couple of years after college, while enjoyable, it didn't pay the bills. I worked as a receptionist at a small computer place. Then I moved back to Chicago and worked at an ad agency for a year, when they lost their biggest client, I was "downsized." Then I worked at the American Bar Association. I started out as an administrative assistant and moved all the way up to project coordinator. Then my step-father and mom died in the same year, so I took some time off. I worked at a model train store in a mall and I worked at a motorcycle shop and even did a few months as a receptionist back at my old high school. Then I moved to Florida and worked for a Harley-Davidson dealership as a marketing coordinator. I left Florida and moved back to Chicago and got some temp jobs, including one at ComEd and one at the Museum of Science and Industry at their Harry Potter exhibit. Then I got my long-term temp job with CDW. Would maybe still be there if I hadn't moved to California to help Eric pursue his dreams. In California I worked at as a music research assistant, moving all the way up to supervisor. Then things changed and now I'm back in Chicago. I have excelled at all my jobs, but I'm not sure any of them have been what I wanted to do as a career. People still ask me what I want to do with my life and I don't have an answer. I like to write, I like to read, I learn and pick up new technology quickly, I get along with almost everyone, but I can't say that any of those things are a passion.

So, being unemployed and looking for jobs and interviewing and not having any luck at the moment and losing the car and being basically broke, I truly now have the chance to start over. Eric emailed me after I emailed him about the car and asked if I had ever considered going to culinary school for baking/pastry. As Gru would say...

For those of you who follow me on Instagram or Twitter or on Facebook, you know I LOVE to bake. You've seen my hashtag #bakingismytherapy. I've always felt better when baking and always know I'm going to get sick when I have the uncontrollable urge to bake chocolate chip cookies. I've made cheesecake for friends and loved ones even though I don't eat it myself. My Mom, Dad and Step-Father all passed on their culinary knowledge to me and taught me how to love food and the process of cooking. My Dad and I briefly thought of starting a catering business together, but got sidetracked with other things. I love all the cooking programs on TV and see that most chefs don't do baking or pastry so it would be a good thing to learn.

I've started to look into culinary programs at schools here in Chicago. Le Cordon Bleu is closing all it's schools so that one is out, but there is The French Pastry School of Chicago, Kendall College and the Illinois Institute of Art which all offer several different programs/degrees/certificates in baking/pastry. They've started to call and I'm looking at literature and planning on visiting the campuses or going to open houses. I know I'm older. I know I'll be in school with much younger students, but it's never too late to start doing what you really love, is it? I need to do more research because I am overly cautious, but I am also optimistic.

I think I may have discovered what it is I want to be.

Yet Another Loss--Oh Well

The repo men came in the cold, dark night and took Alain out of the driveway and towed him off somewhere. I was asleep and didn't realize he was gone until I got a phone call this morning from Eric's Mom asking if I was okay. "Yes, why wouldn't I be?" "Your car is gone" she said. I went outside and looked over the porch and sure enough, just a tire mark in the mud where Alain used to sit. "Well, shit." I got off the phone with her and on the phone with the police. They told me that the car had been repossessed.

I knew this was a possibility, but didn't know it would happen without any warning or any written notice. I moved back to Chicago in November and have been looking constantly for a job, and despite a couple of interviews, have not gotten one yet, so it was hard to keep up with the car payments. I would ignore the calls from the creditor or when I tried to call them, would be put on hold for over 35 minutes. That's the average time for each time I attempted to call them back.

I will admit that I shed some tears. Quite a few tears, to be honest, but they are all gone now. In my first post of 2017 I mentioned that this was the year of moving forward...no looking back. Yes, this is a setback. Not only to my ego, but also my lifestyle, not to mention my credit report. Yet, I am no longer upset about this and here are the reasons why.

First of all, I never really liked this car. Sure, it was newer than my Subaru and had Sirius/XM radio and a backup camera, but I was bullied into buying it. I told the sales person and the finance guy I couldn't afford the payments. Eric told the sales person and the finance guy I couldn't afford the payments. When the dealership said they could make it work, I reluctantly agreed, telling them the entire time that I would be perfectly happy with an older, smaller, CHEAPER car. When they brought him out and there was a big scratch on the bumper and I mentioned it. "Oh yeah", they said "they can't buff that out, but you already signed the paperwork. Too bad." When I gave them a HORRIBLE review on Yelp about the entire sales process they called and pleaded and reduced my payments but they were still more than I was comfortable with. This car also made a horrible noise when the wind was coming out of the North or West. It was a high-pitched roaring, coming from the side view mirrors. It also had a weird spot on the windshield, right in my line of sight at night. Alain did get good gas mileage and he did get me and the kitties back to Chicago, so he did his job. Also, I wouldn't have lasted too long in Los Angeles without a car. I wish him luck at the auction in which he will inevitably be sold.

Second, I live in a city with EXCELLENT public transportation. When I was without a car in California, I had to leave for work in the dark hours of the morning just to get there on time. I had to walk far distances to get to stops convenient to my location. Now, I can walk less than a block and get on a bus, which will take me into the city, or which can take me to a train, or another bus. Or I can walk a mile and get on a different train that takes me to the city, or to the suburbs. I can also get on a bus for a short distance and rent a bike (when the weather is warmer). That bike can take me all over the city and I can drop it off at several locations. All of this will help with my fitness goals for the year.

Third, it's cheaper. I don't have to make the car payments anymore. I don't have to pay insurance anymore. I don't have to buy gas anymore. I don't have to buy a city sticker or a license plate sticker. I don't have to pay the Sirius/XM subscription anymore. I don't have to pay for car washes, or washer fluid.

Finally, I shouldn't be upset. I couldn't and didn't make the payments so this is the consequence. I am luckier than a lot of people. I have a roof over my head. I have food in my refrigerator and pantry. I have clothes on my back. I have heat, and running water, and kitties that wake me up at all hours of the night to be fed, or to be loved. I have my health. I have friends and family that love me.  All things considered, I've been through worse, I've lost more.

So I don't have a car anymore. So what.