What, Where, When, Why & WHO?

Up in the pre-dawn hours writing, and wondering THE question: Who is going to read this? I suppose the other questions running through my mind are, who am I writing for, or am I writing this way because I know who is reading this?

From what I can tell, writers are fairly private people who are all insecure about sharing their work with a wider audience. Yet all our lives we have been sharing our writing with others. I've written birthday, anniversary, retirement and holiday poems for family members and friends. In high school and college, I'd write to please whatever teacher/professor had assigned the task. It would usually work, and when I went against his/her belief, I would see it reflected in a lower grade. I switched majors from journalism (where you had to answer the title questions in a specific order) to English because I didn't want someone telling me how to write. I felt I had more freedom for expressing my own ideas when writing about Dickens, Chaucer or Jane Austen.

I also wrote to save my life. An inexpensive form of therapy. Getting moods and feelings out on paper so that I didn't have to share my current state of mind with another person. There's also the letter written to my Mother after she died. Assigned to me as a therapy session. Never read by anyone but myself, but feelings needed to be expressed in some sort of way so that I could function like a normal human being again.

Diary/journal entries from younger years were never meant to be shared so were part fantasy and part reality.

I've written songs/lyrics that have yet to be shared.

As I've gotten older and been part of the dating pool, I'd write very explicit fantasies meant for an audience of one.

Now I have this blog that is out there for the world to read. Shared with anyone who may want to read it. And even though I post a link to Facebook and Twitter, I'm quite shy about telling new people (friends) about it. Do I not want to share myself with those I'd like to get to know better or have them get to know me better?

This goes back to my original question: who am I writing for and am I changing what I'd normally write because I know who's reading the words? Am I going to edit myself to make me seem more clever, more creative, less fucked up in the head? (I do admit to editing some things in this blog because I knew Eric was reading it.)

How do you write for someone you don't even know?

Telling someone new about the blog is like standing in front of them naked--here I am, lumps, tattoos and all--and then immediately wanting to cover up with a robe and hope that maybe they didn't see anything after all.

I guess every writer is writing for an audience whether or not they know WHO exactly is going to read their words.

I suppose, in the end, the WHO I'm writing for should be me.

100 Words on Suicide

Random events on a bus ride home lead to unexpected conversations.
Discussions with a new generation,
Repeated from the same age as your fellow traveller is now.
Thought about it then.
Think about it now?
Too big a topic to be summarized before the light turns green.
One journey and the conversation ends with a wave and a smile from both.
As the bus door closes,
Wheels start turning, literally and figuratively.
Assignment. Challenge. Inspiration. PUSH.
Words chosen carefully or stream of consciousness...simply belief?
Public. Private.
Desperation. Cowardice.
Chemical imbalance. Irony.
Spiraling out of control. Attention.
Hopelessness. Selfishness.

Done.

To Be Continued...

I'm back after a 6 month hiatus. Back due to the inspiration from someone I didn't expect it from, and from a few who I did. I turned 45 on Tuesday and based on recent events, I am feeling s bit old. I am also feeling restless, depressed, a bit lost and unsure of where I am headed. Good reasons to start writing again.

Last night I couldn't sleep with all the ideas for blog entries in my head. I wrote some topics down and will be working on them this weekend, next weekend, daily, whenever I can. So although I could go on with a really long, rambling entry, I'm going to stop myself and write out some of the ideas the old-fashioned way with pen and paper. (I even bought a sparkly purple notebook and some new pens).

Stay tuned.