Sometimes I Wish I Could Just Stand in the Shower All Day

Haven't blogged in a few days, but I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd start putting down some thoughts in the wee hours of the morning. And yes, sometimes the warm/hot water of the shower feels so good, it would be nice to stand there, without pruning or running out of warm/hot water, all day. Some days it's like a warm hug, washing the troubles away.

It's been an emotional few days, basically waiting to find out when I'd get my car back (still haven't yet), trying to sell some more stuff, and trying to juggle the bills I have to pay while I'm not making any money with my car. Once I get the car back, I have to have it inspected so Lyft will let me drive again. I also have to get my license plate renewed by the end of the month. So on top of the deductible, there's a couple of other costs to add in order to get driving again, while not driving. It's always something.

We had a bit of a snow storm and I went out and got my physical exercise by shoveling. Living on a corner lot is a blessing and a curse. More ground to shovel, but less neighbors. I am in better shape than I was last winter when I shoveled so this time it wasn't too bad. The snow was also light and fluffy so it was easier to shovel. An old shoulder injury from the boats kind of reared its ugly head and I was sore for a couple of days but nothing too serious. It's raining right now, we had ice earlier and snow is expected later and then it's gonna get really cold. Winter in Chicago has finally arrived.

I did do a little bit of baking. Made a birthday cake for Eric, yellow cake with Hershey chocolate frosting. He enjoyed it and I do like the smell of baked goods in the apartment.

I did walk a couple of miles yesterday too. Had to take the snow globe I sold to the post office to ship it out. It was during the freezing rain, but still early enough so that it wasn't too dangerous. Also felt good to get outside and move a bit.

Haven't read much except for things on Facebook and Twitter. I now cannot look at my phone or my computer without wearing my glasses, and when I do, my eyes start to water and my vision gets blurry. Sometimes getting older is not glamorous at all. Technology can also hinder as well as help.

I watched the football playoffs on Sunday. The teams I wanted to win ended up losing so I'm not sure I'm going to watch the Super Bowl. Football is my favorite sport and the Super Bowl this year ends up being on my Dad's birthday so part of me feels I should watch it. It's going to be a long off-season. Maybe I'll just watch for the commercials and not really pay attention to the game. Sometimes it's easier when you don't have a team to root for and don't really care about the outcome.

That's about it. I'm still plugging along, working on what I can and anxiously waiting for the day when I can sit in my car for hours with strangers again.

Downtime

I dropped my car off at the body shop yesterday and they said I should have it back in a week, depending on how long it takes to get the new doors. They're actually going to replace the entire driver's side of the car. I've talked with the insurance companies and I should be okay. Then once it's back, I just have to get it inspected again before Lyft lets me drive again.

So now I'm back to going through things across the hall and trying to sell stuff on different sites. I did confirm that I wanted to take the Captain's class starting in February so I'm gonna be working hard to make that happen.

I started another book last night, "The Last of the Stanfields". I only read one chapter but it wasn't too bad. I would have read more, but I was tired. I am tired of going through the emotional ups and downs, but that's part of life.

I was able to stop at the grocery store yesterday and pick up some things. I'll have to go out again tomorrow and pick up some more things, but I'm getting my first unemployment check so that should help. This weekend I hope to bake which always makes me feel better.

So lots of nothing going on, yet lots of everything going on.

Another Rough One

Ugh. Woke up today feeling really tired and down. Opened the door and the curtain and discovered it was snowing. The weatherman promised sun, but it never appeared. It did snow off and on all day. I know we're expecting a storm this weekend, but it didn't do anything for my mood. I made myself some breakfast and thought about going to the store. Also thought I might drive the PM rush hour for Lyft, but didn't do that either. I took a couple of naps which just made me more tired. Also developed a headache. That could be from the approaching storm, or my just general feel of malaise.

This weekend I'm gonna take pictures of all the things I plan to sell and put them up on eBay and Craigslist and maybe even Facebook. I think I'll feel better to get rid of some of this clutter. I also plan on driving for Lyft tomorrow night and Saturday night and Sunday brunch hours probably. Those were the times last year that I found to be more profitable for me.

I should be finished with one of the books I am reading tonight. I've also been cooking for myself a lot more which always makes me feel good.

I know this down phase is just a phase and it will pass. I usually get a little down after the holidays. After you take down the decorations, the house just seems so plain. The weather is dreary too. The older I get however, the faster the time goes and before long I'll be back on the water taxis and hopefully in captain's class.

For now I'm gonna go read my book and have a restful sleep. Ready for a busy, productive weekend.

Slowly Making Progress

Missed posting a blog yesterday, I think everything was finally catching up to me. I slept in until almost 9am which meant missing rush hour driving for Lyft, but obviously I needed it. Went across the hall instead and unearthed some more things to sell. I have 134 Beanie Babies left over from the craze in the 90's. I originally thought I might sell those to make a down payment on my first house. I was a lot younger then. I did post some stuff on eBay and I'll see how that sells. I also cleaned up the kitchen a little yesterday. I did read a few chapters as well so it wasn't a total loss of a day. I also went to the FedEx store and faxed some documents. I had no idea faxes were so obsolete these days that they have become expensive...$6 to fax 4 pages. It only cost me $0.42 to make copies.

This morning I got up and drove for Lyft. You do meet some interesting people. I met a young man from Seattle who was interviewing to get into medical school. He said he was going to tell them that it was because he watched ER when he was younger. I also met a man from New Jersey who was spending his second day in Chicago, he realized that he might want to get a warmer jacket. It has turned colder since yesterday, and the wind chill makes it feel like Winter. We are expecting a snowstorm on Saturday which might leave a couple of inches on the ground.

Just wanted to get something down today so I don't fall too far behind on the blogging. I realize that I'm basically just journaling and telling people about my day, but I also realize that some days I will have more things to write about and more things to share.

Thanks again for reading!

Better Days, Now I Need Better Nights

Since becoming an adult I've gone through periods of insomnia. I'm usually up for an hour or so in the middle of the night each night, but some night, like last night are a true struggle. I started out in the bedroom and gave up after about an hour. Then I came to the living room and tried to sleep on the couch. That worked for an hour or two and then I woke up after yet another bad dream. I know I'm under stress with everything which is why I'm having bad dreams. Then I went back to the bedroom and read for about an hour. After reading, I couldn't shut my mind off so back out to the living room/couch I went. I turned on the "ocean waves" white noise I have on my phone and was eventually able to fall asleep. Still got up around 5am and didn't go back to sleep like I had planned. Surprisingly I'm not as tired today as I thought I might be, but I don't want my body to get used to this. I've used Tylenol PM or NyQuil Sleep in the past to help me sleep, but then I end up feeling groggy the next day and my dreams tend to be even more vivid and also very bad.

The ocean waves white noise is nice. I can close my eyes and be back on a cruise ship balcony sleeping under the stars while the ship floats to it's next destination.

I've always loved the water, guess it makes sense now that I want to be a captain. Also helped me think that my end of the year vacation should be a cruise. Or it needs to be someplace where I can be near the water or hear the waves.

Still no response from the mechanic. He was closed between Christmas and New Year's so I'm sure he's backed up. I'm trying to be patient, but I really need the car fixed so I can start making money again. I'll give him until tomorrow afternoon and then I'll probably have to go somewhere else.

Focusing on the positive today, I did read, I did clean, and I did blog.

So here's to a restful night.

2019 Starts As A Blank Slate...Can't Wait To See How I Fill It

I'm back! After taking 2018 off from blogging, I'm ready to get at it again. I should be able to take a few minutes every day to write something, thoughts, worries, hopes, dreams, insights and hopefully, many adventures.

As the clock struck midnight, ushering in a new year, I lay in bed watching revelers in Chicago kiss, dance, drink, cheer and whatever else happens on TV. Thankfully my neighborhood didn't erupt in the usual gunfire and fireworks. Then I thought about the year that had passed and how I was starting 2019. I am honestly starting with a lot less than I had hoped. I have a negative bank account balance, I'm off from my fantastic (but seasonal) job, my car is broken down so I don't even have the ability to do my "off season" job of driving for Lyft.  

However, I don't want to focus on what I don't have. I want to focus on what I do have and the prospects of what I can achieve in the upcoming year. I have a roof over my head. I have clothes to wear. I have food to eat. I have three cats that love to cuddle. I have the chance to advance my career to the next level. Captain's class is going to be tough, but it's going to be worth it. And I have the best support system around from my colleagues who have become good friends in just 2 short years. My mother used to tell a story of a determined look I'd get on my face when there's something I really want. I really want to pass this class so I'm hoping that look is planted on my face permanently (or at least until I'm done with the tests). 

Becoming a Captain is the big goal for 2019 but I have some smaller ones too. I'd like to read more. I think I can try for a book a week. Amazon sends me a free book every month and I'm a good 6 months behind on those to read. I bought a couple of books for a train ride sometime early last year, and one of them remain unopened. 

I'd like to write more. I'd like to blog/journal every day. It's a great way of getting down what happened, keeping me on track for my goals, and remembering where I've been. 

I'd like to take an actual vacation at the end of the year. I don't know if it will be a cruise, a trip to Vegas (which I've only driven through), a trip to somewhere I've never been, or even just renting a cabin up in Door County for a long weekend. I haven't been on a vacation in over 7 years, I think it's time. 

Other than that I just want to continue being the passionate, slightly wacky, intelligent, honest, loyal, creative, good friend, good cook & goddess that I am!

Thanks again for reading and thanks for joining me on my 2019 journey.

What, Where, When, Why & WHO?

Up in the pre-dawn hours writing, and wondering THE question: Who is going to read this? I suppose the other questions running through my mind are, who am I writing for, or am I writing this way because I know who is reading this?

From what I can tell, writers are fairly private people who are all insecure about sharing their work with a wider audience. Yet all our lives we have been sharing our writing with others. I've written birthday, anniversary, retirement and holiday poems for family members and friends. In high school and college, I'd write to please whatever teacher/professor had assigned the task. It would usually work, and when I went against his/her belief, I would see it reflected in a lower grade. I switched majors from journalism (where you had to answer the title questions in a specific order) to English because I didn't want someone telling me how to write. I felt I had more freedom for expressing my own ideas when writing about Dickens, Chaucer or Jane Austen.

I also wrote to save my life. An inexpensive form of therapy. Getting moods and feelings out on paper so that I didn't have to share my current state of mind with another person. There's also the letter written to my Mother after she died. Assigned to me as a therapy session. Never read by anyone but myself, but feelings needed to be expressed in some sort of way so that I could function like a normal human being again.

Diary/journal entries from younger years were never meant to be shared so were part fantasy and part reality.

I've written songs/lyrics that have yet to be shared.

As I've gotten older and been part of the dating pool, I'd write very explicit fantasies meant for an audience of one.

Now I have this blog that is out there for the world to read. Shared with anyone who may want to read it. And even though I post a link to Facebook and Twitter, I'm quite shy about telling new people (friends) about it. Do I not want to share myself with those I'd like to get to know better or have them get to know me better?

This goes back to my original question: who am I writing for and am I changing what I'd normally write because I know who's reading the words? Am I going to edit myself to make me seem more clever, more creative, less fucked up in the head? (I do admit to editing some things in this blog because I knew Eric was reading it.)

How do you write for someone you don't even know?

Telling someone new about the blog is like standing in front of them naked--here I am, lumps, tattoos and all--and then immediately wanting to cover up with a robe and hope that maybe they didn't see anything after all.

I guess every writer is writing for an audience whether or not they know WHO exactly is going to read their words.

I suppose, in the end, the WHO I'm writing for should be me.

Back to the Books

I'm a reader. A voracious reader. I've been reading for many, many years. I had a teacher tell my parents to not let me read so much because I was ahead of the other kids in class. I was an English major. I have read and recited The Canterbury Tales in Old English.  I have over 3,000 pounds of books. In one class in one semester in college I read Anna Karenina, War & Peace and Crime and Punishment. I read the Harry Potter books before I saw the movies. I read The Princess Bride before I saw the movie. Jurassic Park is a better book. The Horse Whisperer has a very different ending in print than on the big screen.

Now, I also love movies and television. I also love in this day and age that when I go to bed at night I have my favorite movies or TV shows right at my fingertips on my iPad. But I need to get back to reading. I had challenged myself to read 24 books by the end of this year. That's only 2 a month. I'm behind. Way behind and it's October. I do miss my commute in Chicago where I could read before and after work on the train. Now I have to pay attention to the traffic and the roads. So for the next month the iPad will be off and I will read at night. Every night. Let's see how many books I can read in the next 3 weeks. The TV shows and movies aren't going anywhere.

Reading in the 21st Century

I just got a Kindle Paperwhite as a late Christmas gift from Eric and his Mom. Now, I know all you naysayers and purists may say that I'm putting my local bookstore out of business, but really, are there local bookstores anymore? I honestly miss going to bookstores, smelling the books, wandering in between the shelves and finding a new author or a a favorite classic that I can spend a few hours with. But I have to admit that the first 20 minutes I've spent with the Kindle have been quite nice. The screen actually feels like pages of a book, less smooth than the iPad I was using to read, and definitely less bulky. The pages look like pages from a book, and yes, although I am not going to physically turn the pages, or smell the fresh ink, I think I'm going to have a good time with this. What's nice about the Kindle, and I know others have said this, is that I can stick in in my backpack, or in my purse, and then pull it out on the train, or during my lunch at work, and it's not taking up any more space on my shelves. The last book I read was the Steve Jobs book and I got the physical book. It was big, and bulky and believe me, there were times it was awkward to place on my lap when sharing a seat on a crowded train. Also, as I mentioned yesterday, the past 3 or 4 times I have moved I have paid to have 3,000 POUNDS of books moved. Now, each one is a memory, a look into my past, or a new beginning or outlook, but if I can buy new books from my couch and have it in a second, I am all for that.

I was an English major in college and was always writing in the margins and highlighting my favorite passages or quotes. Now, I can do that electronically and then share them with others almost instantly, and have them arranged in a somewhat orderly fashion. I can also look at what others wrote. Back in college, I could only get other's comments by buying a used book and sometimes, although the notes were funny, they were not relevant.

I do truly believe that this will also help me keep my resolution of reading more. I've already downloaded samples of 5 books and a book by one of my favorite author's who's hardcover book that came out in October of last year, I couldn't afford. I like that it's right here and I can start reading it tonight. Also, I like the "sample" idea. That way I can get a feel for the book. Believe me if I had owned a Kindle when I bought "A Million Little Pieces"by James Frey, I would have know how awful the book was before I dished out the money for it. It's a book that's so bad I can't even GIVE it away.

I will still buy physical books, I can't help it. I will still search for local bookstores and go to my local library. But for right now, I'm going to try them the eBook way.

So don't hate me for turning to the 21st Century and embracing it.

Here We Go Again

Today is January 1, 2013 and it's the time most people make resolutions for the upcoming year. I have done this in previous years in this blog and am doing it again, in some hopes, that if I write them down, then maybe I'll stick to them this year. 2012 was not the best year and I am hoping to make changes in 2013 that will definitely be permanent. Of course, the only way to make a change is to do it and to keep up with the new behavior or pattern so that it becomes routine, therefore it's not as much of a challenge.  So, here we go, in no specific order, my resolutions for 2013.

WRITE MORE
This is the start of doing that. Back in high school, I used to have an English teacher that would have us start each class by journaling for 5 minutes. Sometimes he would give us a topic, sometimes he would just let us write what was on our minds. If we had nothing, or got stuck while we were journaling, we would have to just keep writing the same word over and over again until we "unstuck." It was a good practice and this year I vow to keep that tradition going. Now 365 blog posts might be a tall order if I look at it like I HAVE to write every day. However, I enjoy writing and I don't think it should be that big a deal. I mean, I post something on Facebook or Twitter everyday, so why should writing a blog post be any different. I also won't get to hard on myself if I don't post something every day. I am allowing myself now to miss a day or two depending on what is going on, but the goal is to write every day. Keep checking back and we'll see how far I have gotten by December 31, 2013.

EAT LESS
Now this is the ultimate resolution that most people make on January 1st. I guarantee that when I go to the gym this weekend, it will be crowded with people who are doing exactly what I am doing and vowing to get healthier. I would assume that by the end of January and definitely by Mid-March, us diehards will still be at the gym, while more machines will be available as people fall out. I really do want to lose weight and get into better shape.  I do have specific goals in mind with dieting or actually, I'm going to call it, getting healthier.

This picture is of Dean Patterson. Dean is 21 and is the Conductior (Drum Major) for my favorite Drum Corps Phantom Regiment.  Every year Eric and I travel up to NW Illinois each May and watch Dean lead the Regiment in their dress rehearsal for the season. This year, I want to be able to take a picture with Dean and I don't want to look like the fat old lady standing next to him. I want to be thinner. Then, if the fates allow, I want to go to DCI Finals in Indianapolis in August, where hopefully I can get another picture with Dean. This will show how much weight I've lost during the summer. I wanted to do that in 2012, but things changed, and now it's a definite goal for 2013.

TRY A NEW RECIPE OR A NEW RESTAURANT EVERY WEEK
I tried this resolution when I first moved back to Chicago from Florida 5 years ago. It was a good idea and I figure with all the cookbooks I have and with the all the amazing restaurants in Chicago, that this will not be a challenge at all. I just have to stick with it. I'm all set this week as tonight for dinner I am making a spicy shrimp linguine in cream sauce that I haven't made before. Only 51 more to go! See, this resolution thing is easy.

READ MORE
I have moved more times than I'd like to remember in my life and the past 3 moves, I have moved over 3,000 pounds of books with me. I LOVE to read and unfortunately, in this "digital" age, I tend to read more updates on Facebook than I do actual books. I want to change that. I have a commute to work every day on the train, I can read at my lunch hour, and during the quiet times at home when I'm just mindlessly watching another Harry Potter movie I've already seen 15 times, I could pick up a book instead. Now, I'm not going to be bold and say I'm going to read 100 books or all the books on the New York Times bestseller list, but I am going to read more. I also figure that will give me more to write about so that will help with that resolution. Now if I could only figure out how to read while working out on the treadmill I'd be set.

TRAVEL MORE
I also love to travel, but with the economy still in the shitter and me still having a "temporary" job, I haven't traveled as much as I'd like. But I need to look at that in smaller steps too. A trip doesn't have to be out of the state or to an exotic location or overseas. A trip can be anywhere I haven't been before or somewhere I have been before but where I am doing something I WANT to do. As already mentioned, I'd love to go to Indianapolis for DCI Finals in August so that would be a trip. I'd also like to go to the Wisconsin State Fair, where I haven't been in 2 years. It's the Harley-Davidson 110th Anniversary in Wisconsin at the end of August and I'd like to go up there for that as well.  But there are many places in Illinois, not far from Chicago that I haven't discovered. Maybe a trip to Springfield, or back to Starved Rock where Eric and I spent one of our first weekends together. I don't care, just as long as I get out of the apartment from time to time.

So those are my resolutions for 2013. At least the ones I think I have some control over and that should make me healthier, happier, more productive, and more fulfilled. Come back tomorrow and see how I'm doing.

Throwing in the Towel

Ok, that's it. I quit. My literary pursuit of the 100 most notable books of 2009 by The New York Times is over. I know I only read 10 books, but I only enjoyed one of them so I figured it was best to move on to books I do like. Now I'm not saying The New York Times doesn't know what it's talking about, and I'm sure the books all had their merits, but they just weren't my kind of reading. The last book, "Love and Summer" was hard to follow, didn't really have much of a story, and left you with characters who had unresolved issues/lives. One passage in the book did make me cry, but that was the passage about an old dog passing away. It was probably the best written passage in the whole book and that's not saying much. I think my tears were more due to the fact that I'm an animal lover, rather than the beauty of the writing.

So without further ado, I am now reading Jasper Fforde's latest book "Shades of Grey." I love Jasper Fforde. He has written a series of novels called the Thursday Next books which involve a woman who travels through time and helps various literary characters. It's part mystery, part comedy and is absolutely perfect for those of us who were English majors in college. If you haven't read some of the great novels of our time, you won't get it. "Shades of Grey" is a different novel, this is about people who live in a world of colors and their society is based on their colors. The main character, Eddie Russett is a "red" who is supposed to marry another "red" but then falls in love with a "grey" woman who threatens to break his jaw the first time she meets him. I am thoroughly enjoying this book and was laughing out loud just by reading the table of contents. I'm only a quarter of the way through the book, so I can't give a full review yet but I know I will enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed Fforde's other novels.

Yes, a part of me feels bad that I didn't make my goal. I didn't even come close to reading two books a week. And I even feel guilty about giving up, and perhaps there are some books on that list that I am truly missing out on. But as I believe I have mentioned before, I love reading, it is a great joy, a great escape, a great way for me to spend my time, and I simply wasn't enjoying the books I was reading. Reading shouldn't be a chore and that's what it felt like it had become.

So I'm happier and believe it or not, will probably get a lot more books read than I had originally planned.

Back on Track!

So yesterday, after what seemed like weeks and weeks, I finished the first of the fiction books in my list of 100, "Amateur Barbarians." I hated it. It was one of those books that doesn't go anywhere, the book jacket and the little excerpt from the New York Times both lied to me. I was expecting a seriously funny, witty, or sarcastic book like the back of the book promised me, or at least one that was serious about its subject matter. As I told you, I had a hard time relating to the main characters and I felt even less connected to them when they had their "big epiphanies" or whatever they had. These two middle-aged men, who's lives were terrible and just got more so. There were no answers and as far I as could tell, they had try to make changes and ended up going to exactly where they were before they started their journeys. I didn't see them as "barbarians." The one man went to Africa to save his pregnant daughter and ended up staying, going on a pilgrimage of sorts, and then going back to his hum-drum suburban life to his kids who didn't respect or need him, and his wife who had a very unsuccessful affair with the other sad sack man in the story. The story jumped around and jumped around badly. Plus, the big things in this book, the trip to Africa and the affair happened basically 50 pages from the end of the book. There was a lot of masturbating which seemed unnecessary to me, and a lot of feeling sorry for yourself. We all have pity parties from time to time, but these men lived them constantly. Yuck.

So, now, basically I only have 1 day of leeway left for the rest of the 98 books I have to read by the end of the year. I got the next two books today. "American Rust" by Philipp Meyer is the work of fiction. I'm already concerned because they say he writes like Hemingway and Cormac McCarthy, two very "male" authors. I don't like Hemingway. If this is another "man" read, I'm going to struggle to get through it. I hope not. But I'll let you know. I'm going to take on the fiction book first this time.

My non-fiction choice is "The Age of Wonder: How the Romantic Generation Discovered the Beauty and Terror of Science." This is another long book, but I believe will hold my interest more than the quantum physics book did. I will also let you know on this one.

So, no more procrastinating, no more delays. 2 books a week, 50 weeks left in the year. I will do this. I will not end up like the pathetic characters in "Amateur Barbarians." I do not want to go on this journey and not get anything out of it.

10 Days In and There May be Others

Ok, so I am 10 days into my 100 books in a year, I should, mathematically, and in order to realistically finish, be on my third book right now, or maybe finishing my third book but I am not. I am still working on "Amateur Barbarians" book number two but the first fiction book on my list. It's a good book, I'm reading through it at a good pace, but have not finished it yet, due to not feeling so hot and one of my original passions--football. I will probably finish the book today and that is fine because I do not yet have the next two books on my list. The first one "The Age of Wonder: How the Romantic Generation Discovered the Beauty and Terror of Science" is not available at any library, local or within short driving distance, and "American Rust" is not published in paperback yet, which seems to be the only way I can order it on Amazon. It will be released on Tuesday, which gives me plenty of time.

When I discovered that the non-fiction book was not available in any library, it made me wonder if I am not the only person in the Chicagoland area with this idea. Maybe others are planning on reading all 100 books as well, and if they are...then I am behind, for last Sunday was only the 3rd. Could it be that they read a book a day? Could it be that they cheated and started reading the day the list came out which was back in mid-December, one-week earlier online than in print? I'm not sure, or maybe I'm just paranoid but I am also not panicking. I am as determined to complete this goal as much as I was to finishing the first book I read or reading the 7th Harry Potter book in one sitting, or determining not to like the "Bridges of Madison County" and being pissed that I got sucked into it and cried. No matter if I am alone or in a group in my endeavor, I will succeed!

Now, back to "Amateur Barbarians". This book is a "guy" book. It's about two middle-aged men unhappy with their suburban, boring lives and trying to find some way to fulfill what is missing or to evoke some sense of excitement that seems to be lacking. These men's lives will intertwine, yet there has only been a hinting of it in the first 100 pages. This book has some incredible lines that make me stop and say "Wow. That was a good line" My favorite so far being "He tried to collect a coherent impression of himself from the shards of reflection he glimpsed in other people's sunglasses." But in between the good lines, it is a story that I really can't relate to. I'm not a guy. I can't relate to hoping someone notices my erection at a party, or going into the bathroom to masturbate at same party because the cat bit you and no one is sympathetic to your invisible fang puncture wounds. It's interesting and maybe that's what middle-aged men do. In my younger days, I know that my boyfriend at that current time (who was not Eric) would go into the bathroom with his friends to smoke weed or snort coke, pretending they were clever in hiding it. But men are not like women, they don't usually need to go to the bathroom in groups. I'll be interested in seeing how this turns out. I can't say I dislike this more than Hemmingway because so far, the testosterone seems to be lacking but it is, again, a "guy" book.

As I've said before, this is a good goal for me. Teaching me new things, opening my eyes to new experiences, new authors and books I probably wouldn't normally read. I feel this after only reading two books. Just imagine how I'll feel in six months!

Entangled Already

So it is January 4th and I still have 145 pages of my first book to read. I will probably not reach my goal of 2 books this week. I do have a little leeway, but as someone who likes to achieve my goals, I am getting frustrated that it may not happen. Am I breaking my resolution so soon? No, just having to take a bit more time. "The Age of Entanglement" is a little bit of a tougher read than I thought. I can't just read a page, or a chapter and then move on. It's causing me to think about what the author is saying, wonder about quarks and electrons and nuclei and all these famous dead scientists and physicists arguing about what reality is. On the train this morning, there was a passage about poison and a cat in a box and some atomic reaction that may or may not happen and how the cat was in the superposition of both life and death, depending on if the box was really a box in the first place. Ummmm......ok, come on, you have to think about that! Plus now, work has started back up and I have to spend 8 hours doing my job. My commute on the train is only about 20 minutes, which gives me a chance to knock out a few pages or a chapter, but not much more than that.

I probably could have or should have started with the fiction book, but I'm glad I gave myself a challenge. I will not back down. A couple of times Eric has said "if you don't like it, you don't have to finish it." It's not that I don't like the book, I am finding it interesting, I am just having a more difficult time than I thought getting through it. It's not that I don't understand what I am reading, I do...it's just that this book is one that makes you stop and ponder. But I cannot stop and I will not stop. I am hoping to be finished with this book by tomorrow night. I will let you know and give my full review at that time.

What's in a Name?

Would a blog called Cooking Without an Oven still be a blog if it's name changed? Of course it would. Would it be the same blog? Of course it would. Just because something changes it's name doesn't mean its any different. Didn't Shakespeare teach us that a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet?

So, why am I contemplating a change in the name of my blog? Basically, I have to. This Christmas, Eric's mom decided to get us an oven. One that works on top and inside. One where I will be able to make tuna noodle casserole, and cheesecake, and german chocolate cake and my mother's pork chops and rice recipe and beef bourguignon. We aren't getting the oven until the middle of January though, so I still have a few weeks to contemplate what is going to be the first meal I cook, and what I am going to rename my blog. I can't really call it Cooking Without an Oven anymore since I will be cooking with an oven. Lots. My life is still not totally in control and I'm still taking it one step at a time and still learning and I don't expect an oven to change all that, although it will stop us from having to be so creative with ramen noodles.

I've already told you about my resolution to read every one of the 100 books on the NY Times Notable Books of 2009 list, so I thought about changing the name to "So Many Books, So Little Time" but that's rather commercial at this point. I was also thinking of calling it "Literally Literary" but I can hardly pronounce it myself, so maybe alliteration is not the way to go. I thought about doing a "Julie & Julia" type blog and type every day about how the books are going and then call it "A Year in The Life..." but that's not very clever either. I did briefly think of calling it "Damn You Bill Gregory! (among others)" in homage to my sophomore year English teacher for extolling the virtues of writing in margins of books, taking notes, and journaling every day, even writing the same word over and over and over and over until you thought of something else to write. But then I'd have to spend more time explaining and introducing you to all the English teachers along the way who have helped me to write and read and not only to do that, but to actually think about what I am writing and reading. I also thought I might call it "Horses, Death and Scenery" which was going to be the title of the biography I was going to write about Robert Redford, or the way I described my favorite movie, "Legends of the Fall." Horses, death and scenery have also played a big part in my life. But again, I would have to spend at least a couple of entries explaining all that. Finally I moved away from the literary and thought I could call the blog "If You Can't Stand the Heat..." and try to do a reading/cooking blog. One year I resolved to either eat at a new restaurant or try a new recipe every week. That would be 52 new experiences in a year. That worked for about 3 months. Don't know why I stopped, but I assume it's because life got in the way, again.

I'm not even sure if I can change the name of my blog without creating a new one, so this whole discussion may be pointless. But my original sentiment remains true....no matter what I call my blog, I hope that people will read it and enjoy it.

In MY country...

I was very lucky to have grown up with highly literate parents. My mother and father both graduated with journalism degrees from Northwestern University. I was read to constantly. Most of my summer mornings were spent at the beach and my afternoons at the local library. In my family it wasn't Christmas without a book. When my parents divorced, my mother married another highly literate man, this man was a math professor and loved to read and he brought science and math and computer books into my life. This was and has been both a blessing and a curse. It's probably the reason I ended up being an English major and reading all the novels of Tolstoy and Dostoevsky in one class in one semester. I know it's the reason that for my past 3 moves, I have been paying the movers to move my 3 TONS, yes, that's 3,000 lbs. of books I currently own.

What it has also done is helped me in my creativity. My mother used to love telling the story of how I cried one day because when we were on our way back from one of our many trips to the library, I saw an inside-out umbrella and said "it's dead." I've always been able to use reading and writing as an escape. A book would help me understand that I could make it through my parents divorce. A book was a place to go to when I didn't want to talk to anyone. When I didn't want to tell my parents something bad had happened in school, I was able to write a letter which explained my behavior. When I fell in love with one of my teaching assistants in college and then found out he was married, I spent the evening writing poetry and short stories so that I wouldn't do something more drastic.

The best thing about reading and writing though is that it is free. All it costs is your time. And yes, if you buy books, it does cost money, but not all that much. It's one of my simple pleasures. One of the things that makes my life happier, more interesting, and undoubtedly saner.

The other good thing about being creative is that when Christmas or birthdays come around, I can create a unique gift. One that doesn't cost much, but that the person will cherish forever because it truly comes from the heart. I wrote a silly parody poem for my boss who was retiring at the ABA and he loved it so much he showed HIS boss. I remember I bought my boyfriend Eric a new MacBook Pro, a Thomas Hardy shirt, some nice cologne, some chocolate and other things for Christmas last year. His favorite gift? A 3 page note on all the reasons I love him.

But I am getting away from the original point of this blog. My mother, who passed away 11 years ago, was always getting aggravated at things, traffic, people at stores, lines in restaurants, etc. She would always say "In MY country, this wouldn't be allowed." So one year for Christmas, my step-father (who also passed away 11 years ago), decided that it was time for my mother to get her own country. He bought a small piece of wood and carved it in the shape of Norway (my mother's name was very Norwegian, Ronnveig ), and we packed it in a box, along with a Your Own Country "Starter Kit." She got to name her country, "Tisofthe'" was the name she came up with. (I told you my family was creative). We gave her peasants, loyal followers, many fjords, a navy, a firing squad (to execute criminals), towns, etc. She loved it! Every year for Christmas (or her birthday which was about 10 days after), we would give her something else for Tisofthe'. One year she got a model DC-9 (minus the wings), which is what the Queen chose to drive around in (and of course, no one else was allowed on the roads when she was on them.) Another year, I gave her a booklet, fully illustrated, that I had created describing each of the Royal Residences. She had a Castle, a Beach House, a City Apartment, a Lodge in the Woods, and, because I loved horses, a Royal Stables. The next year she got a University and she got to decide who to accept, decline, what kinds of degrees you could earn there, the sports teams, etc. The final year that she and my step-father were both alive, I gave her the Crown Jewels of Tisofthe'. They were presented to her on a velvet pillow, along with a crown and replacement jewels if she so needed.

This is one of the fondest memories I have of my mother, and it's a great idea. (I probably should have marketed it and made a million dollars). I've been thinking a lot about this as I make the 30 mile commute to work each day and back. In MY country, you wouldn't be allowed to stop if you are in the left lane, people who slow down while answering or dialing their cell phones would be blown up by the hidden cannon in my car, and anyone talking loudly at the movies would be permanently banished.

So the next time you're yelling at a traffic jam, or fed up with the person at the store you are shopping at, just close your eyes and say to yourself "In MY country...."