What a Week It's Been!

I am glad this week is over and that basically, the holidays are over and things will get back to being somewhat normal. I get the car back from the mechanic tomorrow and will be able to drive for Lyft and make some money. I also get to certify my Unemployment claim on Tuesday so I should be getting a small, but helpful check from the state too. I also now have a positive bank account. All good things and although it took awhile, I am now ready to start the year. I am in a better place than I have been all week and it's nice to actually be able to breathe and relax just a bit.

I am sorry that the Bears lost, and I did probably post a "not nice" thing about Cody Parkey on Facebook, but that was in the heat of the moment. I do understand that it's a game and as a lifelong Chicago sports fan, I should be used to the ups and downs of our teams. The Bears had better season than anyone expected and it looks like they'll have a good team for a bit. Also, now I can enjoy the Super Bowl for the ads because I won't have a real interest in whichever two teams are playing in it this year.

I do have a plan for selling some things to help my financial situation as well too. One of the positive things about having as many interests as I do, means I have several different things to sell. Things that should appeal to all different kinds of people. I have some leather Harley-Davidson motorcycle jackets. I have a bridle and a tack trunk and other "horsey" things for equestrian types. I have some antique furniture. I also have a set of original American Girl dolls, and some of their accessories AND all of their Christmas outfits, and even a Christmas Tree (I believe). They've been sitting across the hall for years and I haven't looked at them or used them or worn them, so I'm hoping that they can bring joy to others.

I read a lot last night so I should also be finished with my first book of the year by tomorrow night or Tuesday.

So as it's been said before ONWARD & UPWARD!

This Will Not Happen Again

What? Me missing a day of blogging? No, of course I'll probably miss several of those throughout the year.

I'm talking about the feelings of complete impotence I've had over the past week. I expect to go out and make money and something goes wrong with my car, I call my mechanic and he's closed until the 2nd of January. So I call the 2nd of January and never get a response. I figure he's busy since he's been closed for 10 days, I give him another day, nothing. I am losing money now because I can't get my car looked at. I'm also not making money so my negative balance in my checking account is not getting any smaller. Day 3 and still nothing from the mechanic, so I go to a different mechanic. This one calls back as promised and gives me a price for everything wrong with the car. OUCH! Now I'm in limbo waiting for "funding" from other sources, since obviously I don't have the means to pay that amount. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling stupid, delaying the mechanic with different excuses on why I can't pick up the car until Monday. I'm tired of crying out of frustration, fear, tiredness, etc.

This will not happen again. I make a vow here and now that I will not let this happen. If I have to drive for Lyft for 10 hours a day, 7 days a week (or whatever the law allows) I will do it. If I have to sell some of my things that have been in the apartment across the hall for years in order to pay for my Captain's class, pay back my "lender" for the car repairs, or to simply get food, I will do it. I'm an adult damnit and I really, really, really hate feeling this way. I'm a smart woman who has made some bad choices. Sure, I didn't know my car was gonna break down, but I need to be prepared for that. I need to have an emergency fund account. I need to have a "yes, you can go out and have a beer with friends" account. I need a vacation account.

So while this feeling will last until I can get my car back and start giving rides to other people, it will not last forever.

This. Will. Not. Happen. Again.

Better Days, Now I Need Better Nights

Since becoming an adult I've gone through periods of insomnia. I'm usually up for an hour or so in the middle of the night each night, but some night, like last night are a true struggle. I started out in the bedroom and gave up after about an hour. Then I came to the living room and tried to sleep on the couch. That worked for an hour or two and then I woke up after yet another bad dream. I know I'm under stress with everything which is why I'm having bad dreams. Then I went back to the bedroom and read for about an hour. After reading, I couldn't shut my mind off so back out to the living room/couch I went. I turned on the "ocean waves" white noise I have on my phone and was eventually able to fall asleep. Still got up around 5am and didn't go back to sleep like I had planned. Surprisingly I'm not as tired today as I thought I might be, but I don't want my body to get used to this. I've used Tylenol PM or NyQuil Sleep in the past to help me sleep, but then I end up feeling groggy the next day and my dreams tend to be even more vivid and also very bad.

The ocean waves white noise is nice. I can close my eyes and be back on a cruise ship balcony sleeping under the stars while the ship floats to it's next destination.

I've always loved the water, guess it makes sense now that I want to be a captain. Also helped me think that my end of the year vacation should be a cruise. Or it needs to be someplace where I can be near the water or hear the waves.

Still no response from the mechanic. He was closed between Christmas and New Year's so I'm sure he's backed up. I'm trying to be patient, but I really need the car fixed so I can start making money again. I'll give him until tomorrow afternoon and then I'll probably have to go somewhere else.

Focusing on the positive today, I did read, I did clean, and I did blog.

So here's to a restful night.

Starting Slowly

I have to say that today was a struggle. New Year's Day brings up memories of watching the Rose Parade and filling out a new calendar with my mom, adding all my friends/relatives birthdays, anniversaries, etc. It was always fun looking at the year to come and using new markers and making little cartoons/pictures for certain dates/events. Yesterday I watched the Rose Parade on my own and I haven't had a wall calendar for years now. A lot of the football games have been moved to cable so I didn't really watch anything.  I went to bed early and had bad dreams most of the night. Woke up to an icy rain and fell back asleep on the couch while watching the morning news. I did turn off the TV and read for a bit, played some games on my phone, and attempted to make an appointment with the mechanic to fix my car, but he's backed up from the holidays so I probably can't get the car in until the weekend.

I did do some cleaning, and helped Eric's mom print out some forms on her printer. I made an okay dinner and plan on getting a good night's sleep.

I understand that some days are going to be harder than others and that we're only 2 days into this new year so I can't get everything done immediately.

At least I blogged!