Sometimes I Wish I Could Just Stand in the Shower All Day

Haven't blogged in a few days, but I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd start putting down some thoughts in the wee hours of the morning. And yes, sometimes the warm/hot water of the shower feels so good, it would be nice to stand there, without pruning or running out of warm/hot water, all day. Some days it's like a warm hug, washing the troubles away.

It's been an emotional few days, basically waiting to find out when I'd get my car back (still haven't yet), trying to sell some more stuff, and trying to juggle the bills I have to pay while I'm not making any money with my car. Once I get the car back, I have to have it inspected so Lyft will let me drive again. I also have to get my license plate renewed by the end of the month. So on top of the deductible, there's a couple of other costs to add in order to get driving again, while not driving. It's always something.

We had a bit of a snow storm and I went out and got my physical exercise by shoveling. Living on a corner lot is a blessing and a curse. More ground to shovel, but less neighbors. I am in better shape than I was last winter when I shoveled so this time it wasn't too bad. The snow was also light and fluffy so it was easier to shovel. An old shoulder injury from the boats kind of reared its ugly head and I was sore for a couple of days but nothing too serious. It's raining right now, we had ice earlier and snow is expected later and then it's gonna get really cold. Winter in Chicago has finally arrived.

I did do a little bit of baking. Made a birthday cake for Eric, yellow cake with Hershey chocolate frosting. He enjoyed it and I do like the smell of baked goods in the apartment.

I did walk a couple of miles yesterday too. Had to take the snow globe I sold to the post office to ship it out. It was during the freezing rain, but still early enough so that it wasn't too dangerous. Also felt good to get outside and move a bit.

Haven't read much except for things on Facebook and Twitter. I now cannot look at my phone or my computer without wearing my glasses, and when I do, my eyes start to water and my vision gets blurry. Sometimes getting older is not glamorous at all. Technology can also hinder as well as help.

I watched the football playoffs on Sunday. The teams I wanted to win ended up losing so I'm not sure I'm going to watch the Super Bowl. Football is my favorite sport and the Super Bowl this year ends up being on my Dad's birthday so part of me feels I should watch it. It's going to be a long off-season. Maybe I'll just watch for the commercials and not really pay attention to the game. Sometimes it's easier when you don't have a team to root for and don't really care about the outcome.

That's about it. I'm still plugging along, working on what I can and anxiously waiting for the day when I can sit in my car for hours with strangers again.

Waiting For The Storm

I don't remember whether or not my parents listened closely to the weather reports or that the weather people told of impending storms more than a week away. I do know that I have been hearing about how we're going to have a "big storm" this weekend for about a week now. It was a winter storm watch yesterday so I went grocery shopping. I was told this morning that it was a Winter Storm Warning starting at 3pm. When it started to flurry around 2:15 I thought, uh-oh...earlier than they predicted, maybe it's going to be more than they thought. However, it only snowed for about an hour and now, it's 8:15pm and it's only snowing lightly again. There were a few flakes around 6:30 but nothing that stuck and definitely not the "SNOWMAGEDDON" they have been warning us about. I'm happy it's not too bad and I know that things can change and I could wake up tomorrow to a foot of snow, but for now, I'm just waiting.

I remember the Blizzard of '79 where we got FEET of snow and school was actually canceled and our garage roof collapsed. I remember the Valentine's Day blizzard a few years back when I had to trudge through snowbanks to be one of the only people to go to work (and our heater died).

I like snowstorms. Or I like at least 1 snowstorm a season. I like how it makes everything clean and quiet. I like getting the exercise of shoveling. I like making the first tracks in the snow. When I lived in Florida, people didn't understand that I missed snow. I guess growing up with it, you have a fondness for it.

So I'm ready for whatever happens. I have food. I have books. I am watching movies and Blue Planet II on Netflix. The NFL Playoffs are on TV on Sunday. The cats are snuggling on the couch and in their beds.

I'll let you know tomorrow if I have changed my mind about the snow.

Weekend Thoughts

Missed two days of blogging, but I'm not beating myself up for it. I've actually been going to bed a bit earlier and trying to get a good sleep. I had nightmares last night, but not too horrible.

I've been busy. I've been taking pictures and posting things to sell online. I've found some old friends and things that I really need to go through (and probably toss). I've also been driving. Drove in the snow for a few hours yesterday. My rule is to stop if I don't get a ride within 40 minutes of my last one. But yesterday was decent. I'll go out again this morning and take some people to brunch and dream of the day that I'm the one going to one of the places for brunch, or heading to the airport to fly to someplace.

I've also been watching some movies. I watched "Hell or High Water" which was excellent! Makes me see Chris Pine in a whole new light. It pulled me in in the first 5 minutes and kept me going all the way to the end. Great ending too. Then I saw "Bird Box." It was not good. I don't see what the hype is all about. Last night I watched "Isle of Dogs" which is a typical Wes Anderson movie. It was enjoyable. Great cast of voices and a nice story.

Today I'll go out driving for a few hours, take some more pictures of things and probably watch some playoff football, even though I don't care about the teams. I'd like to see New Orleans beat the Eagles though.

Haven't decided which new book to start yet, but that decision will also be made today.

Things are starting slowly, but they are improving.

Everyone enjoy your weekend!

RANT

I just noticed that I haven't contributed to my blog in almost a month. That's terrible! I have an entire list of things that I want to blog about and now that I'm not spending 3 hours a day commuting in the car to work, I should have more time to write. So I guess I had better sit down and get some serious writing done. Of course, this isn't going to be one of those times. This time, because I haven't done it in so long, is going to be a rant. Just random thoughts I've had over the past week and things that I truly believe I need to get off my chest.

First of all, I am suffering from panic attacks again. I have had one every day for the past week from 11 am to 1pm. Mainly lunch hour panic. I'm not panicked about lunch. I'm working downtown, which I really enjoy. It gives me more time to read now that I'm letting the train engineer do the driving. I also am getting exercise by walking back and forth to the train station. So, why am I panicking? I wish I knew, but I know I need to get over it! I am almost 40 years old. Maybe that's it. The other ones started before I turned 30. They're not bad this time, just inconvenient. So, I need to either write to get rid of my thoughts, or I should visit my doctor and see if there is some physical reason for them. But I'm not wasting any more time writing about them or focusing on them.

Next, why do people start celebrating holidays so early? When I got off the train on Monday morning and was walking across the street, the sidewalk in front of our office building was blocked by men on big cranes putting CHRISTMAS LIGHTS on the trees! It's not even Halloween yet! Now I will say that they took two days to put them up but they have not lit them yet, so I will cut them a little slack. Also, it's probably more reasonable to put up the lights when it's 50 degrees and raining, rather than when it's cold and icy or snowing. But I think nowadays holidays are rushed. Halloween candy starts showing up in the store before Labor Day, as soon as that is gone there will be Christmas decorations up. We kind of just skip over Thanksgiving now. I remember when I was younger, it was a big deal on the day after Thanksgiving to head downtown because the stores opened at 9AM...a whole hour earlier than usual. It was also the day that Marshall Field's revealed their holiday windows. NOW, stores open up at 3, 4 or 5 am. Hell, K-Mart is even open on Thanksgiving Day. Mickey Mouse and his pals come to Chicago and light the lights on Michigan Avenue in the middle of November. And I guarantee you that as soon as December 26th hits, you can go to Walgreen's and pick out your Valentines. What ever happened to celebrating a holiday during the month in which it occurs. Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas all happen at the end of their respective months. I would think that 3 or 4 weeks is plenty of time to get ready. Too much and you end up getting sick of it. I used to travel to London every November. Usually the first week in November, and since they don't celebrate Thanksgiving there, I understand their need to have Christmas decorations up early. Although Harrod's is taking it a bit far, by putting up their Christmas displays in June. But I want the Macy's parade to be the first time I see Santa Claus. And to all of you people who refuse to take down your decorations on the outside of your house because you put them up in November and don't want to take them down in February, you should be fined! You don't have to throw out your tree on the 26th, but I think all Christmas decorations should be down by Super Bowl Sunday.

This posting ended up being shorter than I thought it was going to be, and I can live with that.

I could rant about so many more things, like the fact that we were all emotionally sucked into the story of the little boy supposedly lost in the balloon today, only to find out that he was hiding in the attic and that they had been on "Wife Swap." Or the fact that my female cat is a traitor. Or how for the first time in my football pool I voted against my Dolphins and they won! Or I could write about music, or the fact that I am secretly a technology geek. I could write about how I can deal with the fact that my cat snores, but I can't deal with the fact that my boyfriend does. I could write about my new iPhone and the cool Apps that are on it. But I won't. I'm going to save all those things to write about at a different time. That will force me to keep coming back and writing. I am sorry I have neglected this and I won't let it happen again.

I Enjoy Being A Girl -- NOT!

Now don't judge me by the title of this posting. I am very glad I am a girl/woman.

I just have never been what you would consider a "girly" girl. I don't wear make-up. I did for a bit back in 7th or 8th grade, but found that it took too much time in the morning to get ready. I'd rather use that extra time to sleep, finish reading a chapter of a book, or cook something amazing for breakfast. I do wear lip gloss and the occasional lipstick color. I've been known to enjoy a sample of perfume from Clinique and wear that. I wear dresses and skirts, although I am more comfortable in jeans, pants or shorts. I enjoy getting dressed up and wearing jewelry for a night on the town (or formal night on the cruise ship). But as you know I had never colored my hair until a week and a half ago, I have never had a manicure/pedicure or been to a spa. (I've worked with horses, guitars and computers so long nails don't really fit into that description).
When I first started "online" dating, I would invite guys to meet me at the barn I worked at because I figured if they didn't like me in jeans and smelling like hay, then they weren't going to like me. I like shopping, but I like going somewhere, getting what I want, and getting out. Whereas some women can spend hours in Macy's or Nordstrom, I would rather spend hours in Barnes & Noble or the Apple Store.

I like to consider myself a bit different, or unique from other women. I LOVE sports. I would rather sit home on Sunday and watch football than anything else. Super Bowl Sunday is a holiday in my home. I used to be with guys at a football game in high school and would know more than they would. (This didn't get me many second dates back then.) I can quote baseball stats with the best of them. I watch NASCAR races and know the drivers. I watch and play golf. I play 16" softball (or at least I used to). I have always had better men friends then I have had women friends. I would rather hang out at a sports bar than at the mall. I tell crude jokes, I swear like a sailor, and I can hold my own at the bar. I have a fetish for ties. I know cars and motorcycles and cook amazing things on the grill. I take shorter showers than my boyfriend, and with my new haircut can be ready to leave for work in 15 minutes. I can drive a tractor. I can ride a motorcycle AND change my own oil. I don't sit at stop lights and fix my hair or put on make-up. I don't believe that every baby is "adorable" or "gorgeous." I don't worship Oprah. I watch the View but mostly for Whoopi Goldberg. I enjoy chick flicks, but I'd rather go alone than with a group of "chicks." I know that that's not necessarily unique, but I am definitely in the minority.

Now I want to make it clear that I love men (getting hit on by lesbian women in college was flattering, but sort of creeped me out).

I also want to make it clear that being a girl/woman has its advantages. I enjoy my curves, my legs, painting my big toenails blue for the summer, and wearing pretty bras and panties. I enjoy the fact that I can be typing this blog, watching the news on tv and holding a conversation with my boyfriend all at the same time without even blinking. I don't laugh at every episode of "Family Guy" and don't get why "The Three Stooges" are supposed to be comic geniuses.

But it also has its disadvantages. I used to have a boss that would ask me a question and after I gave him the answer he would turn around and ask a guy the same question. I mean, if he wasn't going to believe me, why did he ask me in the first place? My boobs tend to get in the way of my golf swing. (But I've discovered that wearing a sports bra while playing helps a little). And now, as I am getting older, and have been having my "monthly visitor" for over 26 years, I am developing PMS.

I HATE to admit that. I used to be level headed before that time of the month. Sure, my breasts would get tender and I would crave chocolate and greasy food, but mostly I didn't change my personality. Maybe it's because I'm living with someone now who actually notices it. But I've noticed it too. I was in a really bad mood on Monday, snapping at everyone, being emotional, sullen, and basically not very pleasant to be around. I discovered on Tuesday morning that my period had started. Could I really be suffering from PMS or was it just a bad day?

I can deal with the tender breasts, the cravings, the headaches and the cramps. But I don't want to become another person. Now, I have stopped taking the pill (after taking it for 16 years). Maybe that's the reason? I don't know. All I know is that I don't like it. And if I keep this up as long as my mother, grandmother and great-grandmother did, I can look forward to another 15 years of this! That means 180 more episodes of PMS and that is why I do not enjoy being a girl!