Monday, December 28, 2009
What's in a Name?
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Is It Too Early to Make My New Year's Resolution?
This is exactly what I knew was going to happen. I start a blog, write entries like crazy at first, and then forget about it. I was horrified when I logged on this evening to discover that I haven't blogged in over a month. That's too long and I apologize and will try to be better at it.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Just Like Old Times
Thursday, October 15, 2009
RANT
Saturday, September 19, 2009
A Book By Any Other Name...
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Driving Off Into The Sunset
Friday, August 28, 2009
In Honor of Our Anniversary
Twelve months ago, let’s call it a year,
I was “dating” several men I fear.
Some only once, some for just hours,
and not one of them gave me chocolate or flowers.
But I didn’t mind, I was just having fun,
When all of a sudden, I met “THE ONE.”
I was planning a foursome, two couples, a quad,
When the man on my side became quite a clod.
He said he was tired and wanted to rest.
And I’m glad that he did, it turned out for the best.
Because he flaked out, the four became three,
and this is how I met Eric, you see.
We exchanged emails, pictures and such,
a few texts on the Cubs, basically, not much.
He lived in the city and me in the burbs,
He seemed quite clever & witty with words.
I met him and his girl after very bad crepes,
and letting me touch him was her biggest mistake.
We had a good time, some laughs and some sex.
And after they left, he sent me a text.
For Labor Day Monday was coming up soon,
and if I wanted to watch the Cubs, he did too.
So over a discussion on who best could grill,
He said come down and get me, and I said I will.
From the moment his lips touched my BBQ,
I just a a feeling that this might be true.
The next weekend we went to a nice B & B,
Where during dinner one night he said he loved me.
We’ve been a couple since then, and though times have been tough,
We’ve both lost some jobs, I moved in with my stuff.
We’re adjusting to life as a couple, plus four--
The dog and three kitties (we can’t fit any more).
We watch lots of movies and cooking cook-offs,
Bowl naked on Wii, play Tiger Woods golf.
We’re on our computers 14 hours a day,
But I wouldn’t change it for anything I say.
We’ve had disagreements, tears have been shed.
But yet still every night, we both go to bed.
There’s always a kiss, whether angry or sad
And to have 30 more years of this will make me glad
Some day I will proud to be called your wife.
Happy Anniversary Eric, My Sweetums, my life.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Frankie Say Relax
I, like thousands, maybe even millions of people, suffer from panic attacks. They started for me when I was 29 after a horrible year where I lost my step-father, a baby, and my mother all within 6 months of each other. The first time I had one, I was exercising. I was walking along Sheridan Road in Wilmette, IL, listening to music and probably about a mile from home. All of a sudden I couldn't see anything. The world went black. I got very cold and my heart rate jumped to an alarming rate. I stood there and calmly waited until I could see again and walked home. I didn't think anything of it. Thought maybe I was exercising too hard.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Simply The Best
I love simple things. I find they make me happier than other, materialistic things. Yes, I enjoy eating out at fancy restaurants on occasion, I have gone on a few cruises, and I have traveled to Europe. But again, the simple pleasures of those trips are what make me happiest. The enjoyment of a good meal, cooked by someone who really cares about what they are making. Reading on the balcony of my cabin while having a day at sea. Walking through Hyde Park in London, watching the little girls on ponies, and the couples walking hand in hand.
I have never had a lot of money and that has probably made me appreciate the simple things a lot more. I take pleasure in sitting on my porch in the morning, watching the sunrise or at night watching a full moon. I would rather take a walk along the beach than live in a fancy house on the beach. I would rather sit quietly, reading a book, with a cat purring by my side, than go to a movie, or a club or shopping.
I take great pleasure in making a meal for people I love, enjoying a burger I've formed by hand and grilled, rather than going to a high-end restaurant for a $5,000 burger made with foie gras.
I absolutely detest eating cheesecake, but I will work for 4 hours making one to give it away just to see the pleasure it brings someone else. One of my favorite movies of all time is "Big Night" with Stanley Tucci and Tony Shaloub. The greatest scene in that movie is also the most simple. It's at the very end of the movie when, after a night of eating and fighting, Stanley Tucci makes a simple omelet for himself, his waiter and his brother. There's no dialog. Just eggs, a pan, a couple of plates and a fork.
I don't need to take expensive vacations. I can travel through books and that doesn't cost a thing. Some of my best trips have been impromptu road trips. The trip I made to the "Field of Dreams" in Iowa, sleeping in the car outside after driving all night to be there and see it covered in a light dusting of snow in the morning. The drive to Canada to stay at a friend's cabin, where you had a refrigerate the food in the stream and hide it from the bears at night. Trail rides on my horse where we would stop to see a deer passing across our path, or laughing when he spooked at a frog.
When I was younger and feeling a little depressed, one of the greatest simple pleasures was walking into the barn and hearing my horse knicker at the sound of my voice. I used to have a horse that would rest her head on my shoulder while I was grooming her. These are the moments that stick with me.
I would have to say I'm happiest in these simple moments. Sitting quietly, reading, watching waves or the sun sparkling on a calm lake. Writing in the morning before anyone else is awake. Lying in bed, next to my boyfriend, gently scratching his back as he falls asleep. Being the first one to walk on fresh snow and hearing it crunch beneath my feet. Taking a motorcycle ride on a curvy, tree-lined road in fall when the leaves are changing. Falling asleep outside under the trees and stars while listening to music. These are the things that mean the most to me. Embrace the simple things because the others are "complicated" or "difficult" for a reason.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I Enjoy Being A Girl -- NOT!
I just have never been what you would consider a "girly" girl. I don't wear make-up. I did for a bit back in 7th or 8th grade, but found that it took too much time in the morning to get ready. I'd rather use that extra time to sleep, finish reading a chapter of a book, or cook something amazing for breakfast. I do wear lip gloss and the occasional lipstick color. I've been known to enjoy a sample of perfume from Clinique and wear that. I wear dresses and skirts, although I am more comfortable in jeans, pants or shorts. I enjoy getting dressed up and wearing jewelry for a night on the town (or formal night on the cruise ship). But as you know I had never colored my hair until a week and a half ago, I have never had a manicure/pedicure or been to a spa. (I've worked with horses, guitars and computers so long nails don't really fit into that description).
When I first started "online" dating, I would invite guys to meet me at the barn I worked at because I figured if they didn't like me in jeans and smelling like hay, then they weren't going to like me. I like shopping, but I like going somewhere, getting what I want, and getting out. Whereas some women can spend hours in Macy's or Nordstrom, I would rather spend hours in Barnes & Noble or the Apple Store.
I like to consider myself a bit different, or unique from other women. I LOVE sports. I would rather sit home on Sunday and watch football than anything else. Super Bowl Sunday is a holiday in my home. I used to be with guys at a football game in high school and would know more than they would. (This didn't get me many second dates back then.) I can quote baseball stats with the best of them. I watch NASCAR races and know the drivers. I watch and play golf. I play 16" softball (or at least I used to). I have always had better men friends then I have had women friends. I would rather hang out at a sports bar than at the mall. I tell crude jokes, I swear like a sailor, and I can hold my own at the bar. I have a fetish for ties. I know cars and motorcycles and cook amazing things on the grill. I take shorter showers than my boyfriend, and with my new haircut can be ready to leave for work in 15 minutes. I can drive a tractor. I can ride a motorcycle AND change my own oil. I don't sit at stop lights and fix my hair or put on make-up. I don't believe that every baby is "adorable" or "gorgeous." I don't worship Oprah. I watch the View but mostly for Whoopi Goldberg. I enjoy chick flicks, but I'd rather go alone than with a group of "chicks." I know that that's not necessarily unique, but I am definitely in the minority.
Now I want to make it clear that I love men (getting hit on by lesbian women in college was flattering, but sort of creeped me out).
I also want to make it clear that being a girl/woman has its advantages. I enjoy my curves, my legs, painting my big toenails blue for the summer, and wearing pretty bras and panties. I enjoy the fact that I can be typing this blog, watching the news on tv and holding a conversation with my boyfriend all at the same time without even blinking. I don't laugh at every episode of "Family Guy" and don't get why "The Three Stooges" are supposed to be comic geniuses.
But it also has its disadvantages. I used to have a boss that would ask me a question and after I gave him the answer he would turn around and ask a guy the same question. I mean, if he wasn't going to believe me, why did he ask me in the first place? My boobs tend to get in the way of my golf swing. (But I've discovered that wearing a sports bra while playing helps a little). And now, as I am getting older, and have been having my "monthly visitor" for over 26 years, I am developing PMS.
I HATE to admit that. I used to be level headed before that time of the month. Sure, my breasts would get tender and I would crave chocolate and greasy food, but mostly I didn't change my personality. Maybe it's because I'm living with someone now who actually notices it. But I've noticed it too. I was in a really bad mood on Monday, snapping at everyone, being emotional, sullen, and basically not very pleasant to be around. I discovered on Tuesday morning that my period had started. Could I really be suffering from PMS or was it just a bad day?
I can deal with the tender breasts, the cravings, the headaches and the cramps. But I don't want to become another person. Now, I have stopped taking the pill (after taking it for 16 years). Maybe that's the reason? I don't know. All I know is that I don't like it. And if I keep this up as long as my mother, grandmother and great-grandmother did, I can look forward to another 15 years of this! That means 180 more episodes of PMS and that is why I do not enjoy being a girl!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
In MY country...
I was very lucky to have grown up with highly literate parents. My mother and father both graduated with journalism degrees from Northwestern University. I was read to constantly. Most of my summer mornings were spent at the beach and my afternoons at the local library. In my family it wasn't Christmas without a book. When my parents divorced, my mother married another highly literate man, this man was a math professor and loved to read and he brought science and math and computer books into my life. This was and has been both a blessing and a curse. It's probably the reason I ended up being an English major and reading all the novels of Tolstoy and Dostoevsky in one class in one semester. I know it's the reason that for my past 3 moves, I have been paying the movers to move my 3 TONS, yes, that's 3,000 lbs. of books I currently own.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Presidential History
Sunday, August 2, 2009
I Apologize for This Posting
I am what people would define as a "pleaser." I want to make others in my life happy or at least not mad at me. Therefore, I say "sorry" a lot. I say "sorry" when I believe I have made a mistake at work, at home, or on the road. I say "sorry" for things I probably shouldn't be sorry for. I even apologize in my emails to friends if I don't get back to them within the same hour I read their email. I say "sorry" for things that are definitely not my fault. In fact, I would say that I say "sorry" and average of at least 5 times per day.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
The Hair Up There
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Every Tattoo Tells a Story
Monday, July 27, 2009
A Couple of Poems
Sometimes I curse the ocean between us,
but yelling into something that large makes no sense...
Neptune can't hear me.
Not even if I jump in the water
and let him listen to the beating of my heart.
Would it send angry waves pounding against the rocks?
Or are the waters calm,
gently whispering waves,
lapping questions among the shore?
He's hidden in the depths,
and I'm not a mermaid daughter.
Although all of us are more sea than earth.
Perhaps a teardrop plea
will be enough for him to shorten the distance,
Or speed along the message of love
contained within.
I woke up this morning with the sound of the sun
Melting the vision of my partner
Into a dark pool of plaid to match the sheets.
As I reached over to touch someone
Who had never been there
My body made a small groan--as if
It too was missing who, or what, had been lying next to me night after night.
The morning rolled on, and I rolled along with it,
Eating breakfast, getting dressed, going to work.
While at work, the vision gained a voice as it reappeared with the rising sun.
But the sun was burning the voice away,
Causing it to grow dimmer with each degree.
By high noon the voice was gone,
Not to reappear until the next morning when it replaced the vision.
I would wait for both the vision and the voice…
And pray for a cloudy day.