Let's Get It Started

I had the first week of 2019 "off", now I'm ready to get at it. I got my car back this morning and it's driving very nicely. I'll start taking passengers for Lyft tomorrow morning during rush hour. I also started unpacking boxes across the hall. Some of them I hadn't unpacked since 2005. I found some old friends, some things I thought were lost, and a whole lot of memories. The cats were a little scared, but they are dealing with the changes well.

One of my greatest finds was two recipe boxes.

One from my grandparents (on my Mom's side), and one from my Mom. It's filled with handwritten, typed, clipped from magazines, picked up in stores and other recipes. There is no way I am parting with those. I'm actually thinking of putting them together in a book of some sort. One day when I have more time to go through all of the recipes, I'll probably even try a few of them and compile them into some sort of order and see what happens from there.

I also found some things I didn't realize I had, including a set of Star Wars: Phantom Menace figurines, a Jessica Rabbit doll, a Cubs Barbie, a bunch of green army men in a jar, and a hatchet. Found some framed pictures as well. In the days before Instagram and Snapchat and Facebook there were framed photos and loose photos and photo albums. I also found a few Christmas ornaments that I'll be proud to hang on my tree next year.

This weekend we're gonna try and sell some things on eBay, Craigslist, etc. Just to see what happens and to maybe supplement my income even more. I am ready to let go of things, reduce the clutter. Share my enjoyment with others.

It's been a good day of memories and I look forward to unearthing some more.

What a Week It's Been!

I am glad this week is over and that basically, the holidays are over and things will get back to being somewhat normal. I get the car back from the mechanic tomorrow and will be able to drive for Lyft and make some money. I also get to certify my Unemployment claim on Tuesday so I should be getting a small, but helpful check from the state too. I also now have a positive bank account. All good things and although it took awhile, I am now ready to start the year. I am in a better place than I have been all week and it's nice to actually be able to breathe and relax just a bit.

I am sorry that the Bears lost, and I did probably post a "not nice" thing about Cody Parkey on Facebook, but that was in the heat of the moment. I do understand that it's a game and as a lifelong Chicago sports fan, I should be used to the ups and downs of our teams. The Bears had better season than anyone expected and it looks like they'll have a good team for a bit. Also, now I can enjoy the Super Bowl for the ads because I won't have a real interest in whichever two teams are playing in it this year.

I do have a plan for selling some things to help my financial situation as well too. One of the positive things about having as many interests as I do, means I have several different things to sell. Things that should appeal to all different kinds of people. I have some leather Harley-Davidson motorcycle jackets. I have a bridle and a tack trunk and other "horsey" things for equestrian types. I have some antique furniture. I also have a set of original American Girl dolls, and some of their accessories AND all of their Christmas outfits, and even a Christmas Tree (I believe). They've been sitting across the hall for years and I haven't looked at them or used them or worn them, so I'm hoping that they can bring joy to others.

I read a lot last night so I should also be finished with my first book of the year by tomorrow night or Tuesday.

So as it's been said before ONWARD & UPWARD!

This Will Not Happen Again

What? Me missing a day of blogging? No, of course I'll probably miss several of those throughout the year.

I'm talking about the feelings of complete impotence I've had over the past week. I expect to go out and make money and something goes wrong with my car, I call my mechanic and he's closed until the 2nd of January. So I call the 2nd of January and never get a response. I figure he's busy since he's been closed for 10 days, I give him another day, nothing. I am losing money now because I can't get my car looked at. I'm also not making money so my negative balance in my checking account is not getting any smaller. Day 3 and still nothing from the mechanic, so I go to a different mechanic. This one calls back as promised and gives me a price for everything wrong with the car. OUCH! Now I'm in limbo waiting for "funding" from other sources, since obviously I don't have the means to pay that amount. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of feeling stupid, delaying the mechanic with different excuses on why I can't pick up the car until Monday. I'm tired of crying out of frustration, fear, tiredness, etc.

This will not happen again. I make a vow here and now that I will not let this happen. If I have to drive for Lyft for 10 hours a day, 7 days a week (or whatever the law allows) I will do it. If I have to sell some of my things that have been in the apartment across the hall for years in order to pay for my Captain's class, pay back my "lender" for the car repairs, or to simply get food, I will do it. I'm an adult damnit and I really, really, really hate feeling this way. I'm a smart woman who has made some bad choices. Sure, I didn't know my car was gonna break down, but I need to be prepared for that. I need to have an emergency fund account. I need to have a "yes, you can go out and have a beer with friends" account. I need a vacation account.

So while this feeling will last until I can get my car back and start giving rides to other people, it will not last forever.

This. Will. Not. Happen. Again.

Better Days, Now I Need Better Nights

Since becoming an adult I've gone through periods of insomnia. I'm usually up for an hour or so in the middle of the night each night, but some night, like last night are a true struggle. I started out in the bedroom and gave up after about an hour. Then I came to the living room and tried to sleep on the couch. That worked for an hour or two and then I woke up after yet another bad dream. I know I'm under stress with everything which is why I'm having bad dreams. Then I went back to the bedroom and read for about an hour. After reading, I couldn't shut my mind off so back out to the living room/couch I went. I turned on the "ocean waves" white noise I have on my phone and was eventually able to fall asleep. Still got up around 5am and didn't go back to sleep like I had planned. Surprisingly I'm not as tired today as I thought I might be, but I don't want my body to get used to this. I've used Tylenol PM or NyQuil Sleep in the past to help me sleep, but then I end up feeling groggy the next day and my dreams tend to be even more vivid and also very bad.

The ocean waves white noise is nice. I can close my eyes and be back on a cruise ship balcony sleeping under the stars while the ship floats to it's next destination.

I've always loved the water, guess it makes sense now that I want to be a captain. Also helped me think that my end of the year vacation should be a cruise. Or it needs to be someplace where I can be near the water or hear the waves.

Still no response from the mechanic. He was closed between Christmas and New Year's so I'm sure he's backed up. I'm trying to be patient, but I really need the car fixed so I can start making money again. I'll give him until tomorrow afternoon and then I'll probably have to go somewhere else.

Focusing on the positive today, I did read, I did clean, and I did blog.

So here's to a restful night.

Starting Slowly

I have to say that today was a struggle. New Year's Day brings up memories of watching the Rose Parade and filling out a new calendar with my mom, adding all my friends/relatives birthdays, anniversaries, etc. It was always fun looking at the year to come and using new markers and making little cartoons/pictures for certain dates/events. Yesterday I watched the Rose Parade on my own and I haven't had a wall calendar for years now. A lot of the football games have been moved to cable so I didn't really watch anything.  I went to bed early and had bad dreams most of the night. Woke up to an icy rain and fell back asleep on the couch while watching the morning news. I did turn off the TV and read for a bit, played some games on my phone, and attempted to make an appointment with the mechanic to fix my car, but he's backed up from the holidays so I probably can't get the car in until the weekend.

I did do some cleaning, and helped Eric's mom print out some forms on her printer. I made an okay dinner and plan on getting a good night's sleep.

I understand that some days are going to be harder than others and that we're only 2 days into this new year so I can't get everything done immediately.

At least I blogged!

2019 Starts As A Blank Slate...Can't Wait To See How I Fill It

I'm back! After taking 2018 off from blogging, I'm ready to get at it again. I should be able to take a few minutes every day to write something, thoughts, worries, hopes, dreams, insights and hopefully, many adventures.

As the clock struck midnight, ushering in a new year, I lay in bed watching revelers in Chicago kiss, dance, drink, cheer and whatever else happens on TV. Thankfully my neighborhood didn't erupt in the usual gunfire and fireworks. Then I thought about the year that had passed and how I was starting 2019. I am honestly starting with a lot less than I had hoped. I have a negative bank account balance, I'm off from my fantastic (but seasonal) job, my car is broken down so I don't even have the ability to do my "off season" job of driving for Lyft.  

However, I don't want to focus on what I don't have. I want to focus on what I do have and the prospects of what I can achieve in the upcoming year. I have a roof over my head. I have clothes to wear. I have food to eat. I have three cats that love to cuddle. I have the chance to advance my career to the next level. Captain's class is going to be tough, but it's going to be worth it. And I have the best support system around from my colleagues who have become good friends in just 2 short years. My mother used to tell a story of a determined look I'd get on my face when there's something I really want. I really want to pass this class so I'm hoping that look is planted on my face permanently (or at least until I'm done with the tests). 

Becoming a Captain is the big goal for 2019 but I have some smaller ones too. I'd like to read more. I think I can try for a book a week. Amazon sends me a free book every month and I'm a good 6 months behind on those to read. I bought a couple of books for a train ride sometime early last year, and one of them remain unopened. 

I'd like to write more. I'd like to blog/journal every day. It's a great way of getting down what happened, keeping me on track for my goals, and remembering where I've been. 

I'd like to take an actual vacation at the end of the year. I don't know if it will be a cruise, a trip to Vegas (which I've only driven through), a trip to somewhere I've never been, or even just renting a cabin up in Door County for a long weekend. I haven't been on a vacation in over 7 years, I think it's time. 

Other than that I just want to continue being the passionate, slightly wacky, intelligent, honest, loyal, creative, good friend, good cook & goddess that I am!

Thanks again for reading and thanks for joining me on my 2019 journey.

What a Year It's Been!

Exactly one year ago today, around 4am, I gathered up my few belongings from the Extended Stay America, dragged the cats into their carriers and loaded everything I owned into my car and left California. I was in Las Vegas by breakfast time, out of Utah by dinner, and resting at a rest stop in Nebraska when the time change happened. I pulled into the familiar driveway of the apartment building in Chicago around 5:30pm on Sunday, unloaded the cats (who had been very well behaved through the journey) and went out and got a Lou Malnati's pizza, which I ate by the light of a string of Christmas lights. This was my time to start over. My time to leave the bad things that happened in California behind. To come "home."

In the past year I've reconnected with old friends, gotten a job I never thought I would have, made new friends, lost weight, and really gotten back to being Robin. It hasn't been easy. My car got repossessed in January. When I got my job in March I had a negative balance in my bank account that had been negative for probably 2 months. I was relying on Eric's mom to buy me food and pay my bus fare to go to job interviews. When I first got back, I had 2 pairs of shoes, 1 pair of jeans, and one bra. Slowly, but surely things got better. I got some new furniture, a new TV, a microwave, and was able to start replacing my kitchen stuff that I had left behind. My job allowed me to buy my own groceries, pay my own bus fare and even get some new clothes. I was able to buy a new a/c unit and a TV for the bedroom. I was able to get cable TV again and a new iPhone. I could even go out to dinner or go see a movie. The job also helped with the weight loss. Being a deckhand was a lot more physical than I ever imagined but it has been so much fun. I've met great people and made some really good friends. I go out after work for drinks, I go to movies, I joined a fantasy football league, I participate in a gaming group with co-workers.

So, one year later, I got up this morning, fed the cats, ordered some groceries, cooked breakfast and watched TV by the light of an actual lamp. I've moved forward this year. I've done a lot more than just coming home. I still have a way to go, but that way is definitely up!