Project Dean--Day 2 (and a half)

The workout on Saturday went well. It had been about 3 months since I had been to the gym, so I was proud of myself for being able to do a mile and a half on the treadmill in about 40 minutes. My ankle started to twinge just a little bit (not an excuse, just the truth) so I didn't want to push it and stopped at that point. I wasn't too sore afterwords, except walking back up the stairs to our apartment when my knee protested that it hadn't moved that much in awhile.

Then came Sunday. I was planning on going grocery shopping and then hitting the gym, but ended up only going grocery shopping. But, in my defense, I did walk around the grocery store, then loaded all the groceries in the car (lifting), and also helped Eric carry the groceries upstairs so that was a mini-workout. Then, I made beef stew so I was lifting my rather heavy cast iron skillet a couple of times to clean it, brown the meat and then clean it again. I also stood to peel potatoes and carrots (arm exercise) and to chop the vegetables.  So I'm going to give myself half a workout for that. I figure that ANYTHING that gets me off the couch is something that's worth doing.

Yesterday I went back to work, where, as promised, I took the stairs at the train station. I was surprised at how out of breath I was when I walked out of the station, but figure that by the end of the week I'll be better at it, and by the end of the month, the stairs will be an afterthought and I'll be able to breathe normally.  I also ate better at work yesterday. I had a yogurt for breakfast, a granola bar for a snack and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole grain bread for lunch. I also danced do the beginning of the BCS Championship Game, so that was a little workout at well.

I'm getting there. Slowly, but again, movement is better than no movement.

Project Dean--Day 1

Okay, as I mentioned in my first post of the year, I'm ready to lose weight in order to take a picture with Dean Patterson, Phantom Regiment Drum Major, at dress rehearsal and at the end of the summer. Here are pictures of me as I look today. I'll probably only post these pictures once a month so that I can truly see progress in my goals.

I'm a little embarrassed by this pictures...I mean, I've always been a big girl, and don't think I'll ever get down to a size that would make me "thin" but I'm going to get down to a weight that makes me feel good about myself and makes me more healthy.

My goals are to get rid of the belly fat as much as I can, and to tone my arms and my thighs so they don't flap around. I'm also going to make it a goal to run in the Race To Wrigley 5K in May. A couple of years ago, Eric and I were heading out to breakfast and we ran into the throngs of people involved in the race, streets blocked everywhere so it took us about 45 minutes to get through it all. But it looks like fun and I'm a diehard Cubs fan, so figured that would be my first 5K.  I originally was going to run a couple of 5K's last November and December, but I trained stupidly and managed to mess up my ankle the first weekend of training and never really went back. I also gave myself too short a time to train. I figure with the Race To Wrigley being 5 months away, that's plenty of time to train properly and be able to handle a 3 mile run.

I have a membership at Planet Fitness and the gym is only a mile from my house and is open 24 hours a day. This past October, when the dog would get me up at 4:30am or so to go outside, I would do that, put on my workout clothes and head to the gym. It was quiet and I could catch up on the sports games of the night.

Now the goal is to be consistent in actually going to the gym. My work schedule has been off since the holidays (I'm a contractor, don't get paid holidays or vacation time) so I've been working long hours and after 10 hours of looking at spreadsheets, I really didn't feel like working out. So, I'm starting on January 5th, will work out both weekend days and will try to get to the gym at least 2 other days during the week. I figure 4 days a week is a good way to start. I'm also going to take the stairs at Union Station instead of the escalators which will help a little as well. I might go to the gym on the nights the Biggest Loser is on so I can be inspired by others.

I named this "Project Dean" so I could have motivation. I have a little iPod Nano that Eric gave me for my birthday and I have pictures of Dean on there so I can look at his face while I'm struggling to make it that extra 5 minutes on the treadmill. I'm also wearing a Phantom Regiment t-shirt while I work out for more inspiration. I'm hoping that by August, the 3X Turandot tour shirt I bought last year, can be replaced by an XL or even L tour shirt.

So here we go. I'll let you know tomorrow how the first workout went. I figure my fingers won't be sore, but the rest of me might be.

P.S. I know I didn't post anything for the past 2 days, which breaks my rule of writing or posting something every day, but I've been READING...a lot...with the gift of my Kindle, I'm reading all the time, which I consider a good thing.

Reading in the 21st Century

I just got a Kindle Paperwhite as a late Christmas gift from Eric and his Mom. Now, I know all you naysayers and purists may say that I'm putting my local bookstore out of business, but really, are there local bookstores anymore? I honestly miss going to bookstores, smelling the books, wandering in between the shelves and finding a new author or a a favorite classic that I can spend a few hours with. But I have to admit that the first 20 minutes I've spent with the Kindle have been quite nice. The screen actually feels like pages of a book, less smooth than the iPad I was using to read, and definitely less bulky. The pages look like pages from a book, and yes, although I am not going to physically turn the pages, or smell the fresh ink, I think I'm going to have a good time with this. What's nice about the Kindle, and I know others have said this, is that I can stick in in my backpack, or in my purse, and then pull it out on the train, or during my lunch at work, and it's not taking up any more space on my shelves. The last book I read was the Steve Jobs book and I got the physical book. It was big, and bulky and believe me, there were times it was awkward to place on my lap when sharing a seat on a crowded train. Also, as I mentioned yesterday, the past 3 or 4 times I have moved I have paid to have 3,000 POUNDS of books moved. Now, each one is a memory, a look into my past, or a new beginning or outlook, but if I can buy new books from my couch and have it in a second, I am all for that.

I was an English major in college and was always writing in the margins and highlighting my favorite passages or quotes. Now, I can do that electronically and then share them with others almost instantly, and have them arranged in a somewhat orderly fashion. I can also look at what others wrote. Back in college, I could only get other's comments by buying a used book and sometimes, although the notes were funny, they were not relevant.

I do truly believe that this will also help me keep my resolution of reading more. I've already downloaded samples of 5 books and a book by one of my favorite author's who's hardcover book that came out in October of last year, I couldn't afford. I like that it's right here and I can start reading it tonight. Also, I like the "sample" idea. That way I can get a feel for the book. Believe me if I had owned a Kindle when I bought "A Million Little Pieces"by James Frey, I would have know how awful the book was before I dished out the money for it. It's a book that's so bad I can't even GIVE it away.

I will still buy physical books, I can't help it. I will still search for local bookstores and go to my local library. But for right now, I'm going to try them the eBook way.

So don't hate me for turning to the 21st Century and embracing it.

Here We Go Again

Today is January 1, 2013 and it's the time most people make resolutions for the upcoming year. I have done this in previous years in this blog and am doing it again, in some hopes, that if I write them down, then maybe I'll stick to them this year. 2012 was not the best year and I am hoping to make changes in 2013 that will definitely be permanent. Of course, the only way to make a change is to do it and to keep up with the new behavior or pattern so that it becomes routine, therefore it's not as much of a challenge.  So, here we go, in no specific order, my resolutions for 2013.

WRITE MORE
This is the start of doing that. Back in high school, I used to have an English teacher that would have us start each class by journaling for 5 minutes. Sometimes he would give us a topic, sometimes he would just let us write what was on our minds. If we had nothing, or got stuck while we were journaling, we would have to just keep writing the same word over and over again until we "unstuck." It was a good practice and this year I vow to keep that tradition going. Now 365 blog posts might be a tall order if I look at it like I HAVE to write every day. However, I enjoy writing and I don't think it should be that big a deal. I mean, I post something on Facebook or Twitter everyday, so why should writing a blog post be any different. I also won't get to hard on myself if I don't post something every day. I am allowing myself now to miss a day or two depending on what is going on, but the goal is to write every day. Keep checking back and we'll see how far I have gotten by December 31, 2013.

EAT LESS
Now this is the ultimate resolution that most people make on January 1st. I guarantee that when I go to the gym this weekend, it will be crowded with people who are doing exactly what I am doing and vowing to get healthier. I would assume that by the end of January and definitely by Mid-March, us diehards will still be at the gym, while more machines will be available as people fall out. I really do want to lose weight and get into better shape.  I do have specific goals in mind with dieting or actually, I'm going to call it, getting healthier.

This picture is of Dean Patterson. Dean is 21 and is the Conductior (Drum Major) for my favorite Drum Corps Phantom Regiment.  Every year Eric and I travel up to NW Illinois each May and watch Dean lead the Regiment in their dress rehearsal for the season. This year, I want to be able to take a picture with Dean and I don't want to look like the fat old lady standing next to him. I want to be thinner. Then, if the fates allow, I want to go to DCI Finals in Indianapolis in August, where hopefully I can get another picture with Dean. This will show how much weight I've lost during the summer. I wanted to do that in 2012, but things changed, and now it's a definite goal for 2013.

TRY A NEW RECIPE OR A NEW RESTAURANT EVERY WEEK
I tried this resolution when I first moved back to Chicago from Florida 5 years ago. It was a good idea and I figure with all the cookbooks I have and with the all the amazing restaurants in Chicago, that this will not be a challenge at all. I just have to stick with it. I'm all set this week as tonight for dinner I am making a spicy shrimp linguine in cream sauce that I haven't made before. Only 51 more to go! See, this resolution thing is easy.

READ MORE
I have moved more times than I'd like to remember in my life and the past 3 moves, I have moved over 3,000 pounds of books with me. I LOVE to read and unfortunately, in this "digital" age, I tend to read more updates on Facebook than I do actual books. I want to change that. I have a commute to work every day on the train, I can read at my lunch hour, and during the quiet times at home when I'm just mindlessly watching another Harry Potter movie I've already seen 15 times, I could pick up a book instead. Now, I'm not going to be bold and say I'm going to read 100 books or all the books on the New York Times bestseller list, but I am going to read more. I also figure that will give me more to write about so that will help with that resolution. Now if I could only figure out how to read while working out on the treadmill I'd be set.

TRAVEL MORE
I also love to travel, but with the economy still in the shitter and me still having a "temporary" job, I haven't traveled as much as I'd like. But I need to look at that in smaller steps too. A trip doesn't have to be out of the state or to an exotic location or overseas. A trip can be anywhere I haven't been before or somewhere I have been before but where I am doing something I WANT to do. As already mentioned, I'd love to go to Indianapolis for DCI Finals in August so that would be a trip. I'd also like to go to the Wisconsin State Fair, where I haven't been in 2 years. It's the Harley-Davidson 110th Anniversary in Wisconsin at the end of August and I'd like to go up there for that as well.  But there are many places in Illinois, not far from Chicago that I haven't discovered. Maybe a trip to Springfield, or back to Starved Rock where Eric and I spent one of our first weekends together. I don't care, just as long as I get out of the apartment from time to time.

So those are my resolutions for 2013. At least the ones I think I have some control over and that should make me healthier, happier, more productive, and more fulfilled. Come back tomorrow and see how I'm doing.

Don't Panic---Easier Said Than Done

They're Baaaack!

Last Tuesday my panic attacks started again. I've had a few over the past year, but the one that happened Tuesday at work has lasted into the weekend. I mean, not constantly, but at least one every day since. I haven't had one today yet, stayed inside and just tried to relax yesterday so maybe that helped. I had one on Friday that caused me to leave work early. Not good when the panic attacks get the best of me, and cause me to lose money. I KNOW this time that they are all stress related. I'm not happy in my job, my personal and financial life have a lot of work to do, and facing another holiday basically on my own was something I probably wasn't looking forward to. Now, I'm just tired of them, and hope I've done enough so that I can make it through the work week without feeling like I have to go home. The ones this week haven't been my usual attacks either. My heart rate hasn't increased, my throat hasn't closed or felt like it was closing and they haven't woken me up out of a deep sleep. These are more feeling nauseous, and dizzy and feeling like I'm having a heart attack...chest pain, arm numbness, leg numbness. Then I get mad at myself for allowing it to happen and allowing it to control whatever I'm doing. 

So I'm trying to make some changes. I'm going to read and write more, (can't believe I haven't posted to the blog since January), I'm going to try to get to the gym at least 4 days a week, and I'm going to try and let go of all the things I can't control. That will probably be the hardest. I'm an admitted control freak. But there are some things I just can't control and I will have to just accept that. All I can do is control what is going on with me and try to improve things for myself.

So expect a lot more blog posts from me. I'm going to try to write daily and I will admit that a lot of them won't be good, that they will just be random ramblings, but I think I need to get things out and just hope that someone will read them. Even if they don't it will be good to get it out there.

Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This

Coming up in November of 2012, my mother will have been gone for 14 years. I miss her most every day but today was especially hard.  We all have traditions around the holidays and our family was no different. We used to open presents on Christmas Eve and have oysters and lobster for dinner.  It was never Christmas in our house unless you got a new book, and usually you got a calendar as well.  I used to get horse calendars a lot because they were my favorite animal.  (I always wondered why the picture of the horse for May was always a white/gray one...but maybe that's for another post).  I got Cow calendars after I moved to Wisconsin and decorated my kitchen with any sort of bovine item I could find.  My mother got Kleiban Cat calendars or calendars with pictures of food or flowers.

On January 1, or the 2nd as today is...my mom and I used to sit at the dining room table armed with a bunch of new colored pens or pencils, our new calendars and our calendars from the year just passed.  We would slowly go through month by month and put in birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and any appointments we knew we might have coming up.  It was a way to reflect on the year gone by and a way to look forward to the upcoming year as well. The Rose Parade was usually on in the background and we would watch the beautiful floats as we created beautiful little pictures in the small squares of our calendars. We drew hearts on the square for February 14th, a shamrock for March 17th, an egg or a bunny or a basket for whenever Easter was.  Relatives birthday's used to be marked in the same color and the birthday it was would be proudly displayed...My mom's birthday was January 7th so that was always the first entry."Bapa is 73!" for my grandfather, or "My 22nd" on May 5th for my day.  Friends would get their birthday's listed as well, usually in a different color than our relatives, but distinctive enough so we knew who was celebrating when.  It usually took us an hour or so and we'd talk and laugh and remember as we did this.

But times and traditions change. I don't have a wall calendar this year. Yesterday, I put birthdays, anniversaries and appointments into the calendar on my iPhone.  Today, I watched the Rose parade alone.

Good Riddance to 2011

The end of a year is usually a time to look back and reflect on the year that has just passed by.  Sometimes we'd rather not reflect on the year and this year is one of those times.  I should have known when Eric took a tumble down the stairs last New Year's Eve that 2011 was going to be a challenge and I must say it was. February brought "Snowmageddon" and I twisted my knee horribly walking through a snowdrift to get to work. Not to mention our furnace died that day and my car got stuck in the snow trying to get to Home Depot for a space heater. Eric lost his job back in early March and so money was tight.  We lived paycheck to paycheck and if it wasn't for Eric's mom, there were times when we would have had to live on ramen noodles. There were changes at work, which weren't necessarily bad, but they were challenging. We went through 2 new bosses, more responsibility and I'm still a contractor or "temp" as they used to be called. Yet another year of no paid holidays, no sick days, no vacation time, and no benefits.  Personally things were rough as well. My brother did something very bad back in July and is now awaiting trial. I never thought I'd be communicating with someone in prison. I didn't read as much as I wanted, I don't think I even touched my guitar, and I probably watched too many hours of TV instead of going for walks. I didn't make it to a Cubs game or any sporting event for that matter. I also didn't talk to good friends who I should have kept in touch with more often.

It wasn't all bad. We made our annual trip to DCI in Minneapolis and despite having thought we would have to drive back to Chicago to get the tickets we forgot at home, we were able to pick them up at the stadium and the show wasn't rained out.  We didn't make it to the Wisconsin State Fair, but there's always this year. I re-connected with my Aunt (due to the situation with my brother), who is basically my only blood relative left.  I had some great meals at some good new restaurants. I made some new friends and saw a couple of good movies.

So as I look forward to 2012 I look forward to reading more, playing my guitar every day and writing more as well.  I will try to be a better friend. I will continue to do my job to the best of my ability even though I will continue to be in a "contract" position.  I will cook more, exercise and maybe take a trip or two. Eric has a new job and that holds promise. I'm going to save money rather than spend it. I'm going to not look back at the bad except learn from the experience of the past year and grow from there.

Happy 2012!