They're Baaaack!
Last Tuesday my panic attacks started again. I've had a few over the past year, but the one that happened Tuesday at work has lasted into the weekend. I mean, not constantly, but at least one every day since. I haven't had one today yet, stayed inside and just tried to relax yesterday so maybe that helped. I had one on Friday that caused me to leave work early. Not good when the panic attacks get the best of me, and cause me to lose money. I KNOW this time that they are all stress related. I'm not happy in my job, my personal and financial life have a lot of work to do, and facing another holiday basically on my own was something I probably wasn't looking forward to. Now, I'm just tired of them, and hope I've done enough so that I can make it through the work week without feeling like I have to go home. The ones this week haven't been my usual attacks either. My heart rate hasn't increased, my throat hasn't closed or felt like it was closing and they haven't woken me up out of a deep sleep. These are more feeling nauseous, and dizzy and feeling like I'm having a heart attack...chest pain, arm numbness, leg numbness. Then I get mad at myself for allowing it to happen and allowing it to control whatever I'm doing.
So I'm trying to make some changes. I'm going to read and write more, (can't believe I haven't posted to the blog since January), I'm going to try to get to the gym at least 4 days a week, and I'm going to try and let go of all the things I can't control. That will probably be the hardest. I'm an admitted control freak. But there are some things I just can't control and I will have to just accept that. All I can do is control what is going on with me and try to improve things for myself.
So expect a lot more blog posts from me. I'm going to try to write daily and I will admit that a lot of them won't be good, that they will just be random ramblings, but I think I need to get things out and just hope that someone will read them. Even if they don't it will be good to get it out there.
